James: Michelle? I am gonna ditch ya for a few minutes.
Michelle: Yeah...see ya. *insert thought bubble here* "few minutes" = couple hours
Right, so, now, I am alone...
Works for me. I am finding, that although I am overloaded with work and have to run this office on my own, I manage a whole lot more productivity when he is gone.
(present blogging moment excluded ;p)
My boss was once again going on about Noggin' (new obnoxious girl) I swear, if I have to hear another "Oh poor poor "noggin'" I am gonna be sick. The girl has only worked for us for 2.5 months. She has now suffered through strep throat, bronchitis, and a fractured pelvis. Not to mention being gone to get the required education (2 weeks each class), which she had to go through 3x as she failed the first 2x. When she could actually be here, there was some reason to why she couldn't. Ugh. I do feel bad that this girl has gone through such difficulty. But hello? How much can things happen to a person before you start to wonder the validity of it all? And, her snotty "I am young and you are old" comments don't help. I am tired. I am burnt out and need some flipping help. Either I get it...or I think I need to move on.
Now if I could only make my mortgage company understand....
Monday, February 28, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Whatdyaknow...
"This is How We Do....la la la while we up in da club...give us some love...
...touch me, tease me, kiss me, please me. I give it to ya just how you like it....uunhh."
I dont' look like a 50 cent girl huh? Ah well...this one gets me. I am having my urges again. I miss the clubs sometimes. I so don't fit in these days, however.
Anyway. I watched part of the Oscars. I get kind of bored with it all I must say. Like my mom said today "I just want to see who has their clothes taped on." My response "And those who are just wearing tape." (The Grammy's are a different story. I like those...) I can't say as I was rooting for anything in particular. But I am glad that Eternal Sunshine and Sideways walked away with something. Er...that is what my friend I am chatting with at the moment, just told me...Thanks "Jake" :p
So, I have been trying all weekend to find this song I have to have. I have searched the internet...iTunes...whatever site I can think of that might have some information. My problem? Is I don't know the name or the artist. Ugh. Makes my task difficult to say the least. I know it is something to do with brothers...and the music in me. That is about it. You know how many flipping songs contain these lyrics? A lot...take it from me. But yet not one, was the one I was looking for. Figures.
Work tomorrow. I have been mulling some things over in my head this weekend. No resolution as yet. I did buy the new pot for my plant at work though. And some fresh soil...
...touch me, tease me, kiss me, please me. I give it to ya just how you like it....uunhh."
I dont' look like a 50 cent girl huh? Ah well...this one gets me. I am having my urges again. I miss the clubs sometimes. I so don't fit in these days, however.
Anyway. I watched part of the Oscars. I get kind of bored with it all I must say. Like my mom said today "I just want to see who has their clothes taped on." My response "And those who are just wearing tape." (The Grammy's are a different story. I like those...) I can't say as I was rooting for anything in particular. But I am glad that Eternal Sunshine and Sideways walked away with something. Er...that is what my friend I am chatting with at the moment, just told me...Thanks "Jake" :p
So, I have been trying all weekend to find this song I have to have. I have searched the internet...iTunes...whatever site I can think of that might have some information. My problem? Is I don't know the name or the artist. Ugh. Makes my task difficult to say the least. I know it is something to do with brothers...and the music in me. That is about it. You know how many flipping songs contain these lyrics? A lot...take it from me. But yet not one, was the one I was looking for. Figures.
Work tomorrow. I have been mulling some things over in my head this weekend. No resolution as yet. I did buy the new pot for my plant at work though. And some fresh soil...
Friday, February 25, 2005
Heading home
Frog. I got him last year. He sits on my desk at work. I am not big on having the cute little things scattered around, but there is a reason for him to be there. Frog's taught me a lesson last year. He serves as my reminder of what is important. Something I need to remind myself of each day.
This is the plant that sits on my desk. It is a Monkey Tree. Not the technical or botannical term for it. But what they call it just the same. Supposedly, you are supposed to wind it's limbs in a braided fashion as it grows, so that it becomes one stalk. I chose to let mine go free, however. It felt too constricted, focused on being just a long line with the leaves flowing over the top. I like it loose, branching out individually but yet of the same soil. It is beginning to consume my work area. I need to re-pot it, into something larger scale. It would seem to be a difficult thing for me to do though. It is symbolizing something for me personally, that I need to do and am having trouble making a go of it. I gave a tree like this one, to someone that was a friend of mine once. I don't know that they still have it. I felt kind of odd giving it to them in the first place but my thought behind it was good. I know my tree, has grown an immense amount this passing year.
I went out with Troy again tonight. I am really thinking there must be something wrong with me. He is nice, considerate, successful, patient, likes music, etc..etc...But I am just not feeling anything. I should. I think. Something right? Even if it is just a desire to see him again. I am thinking, though, that I would be fine if I didn't. Ugh. We saw that movie Hitch. I could totally relate to the girl. I know how she felt about relationships. But life doesn't truly unfold in the ways that movies do. That guy doesn't bend over backwards and do creative things just because he likes you. Loves you. Life just isn't a movie.
Roll the dice
I do the blogroll thing all the time. But only rarely is it, that you come across one that is really something, ya know? This person speaks with wisdom and truth and says it in a way that gets you thinking. I like that. There only a few that really get me. I have often thought about putting my links to the side...but like I said, there are only a few. I even have the code I created saved, so that when I decide to do it and have enough that are worthwhile, I will add it to my sidebar.
One blog is 51313 Harbor St. He writes on life, his own or thoughts on others and includes some of his creative writing as well. Although not nearly enough :p. He is intelligent and thoughtful. You can tell he is a genuine person. I like that and it is so hard to find these days.
Another is Modern Motherhood Now this girl can write. She has "the" way of putting her thoughts down, clear and concise. I wish I could say things in such a way as her. It is funny, smart, informed, and convicted. So many qualities I admire.
I have a couple others I read. And they too say it in a way that I get. My techy friend once told me, that there are other people out there like us. Meaning, the depth in which we think, analyze and consider. I knew he was right. But the rarity in finding someone such as that and being able to speak with them, have friendship was slight to say the least. How often do you come across someone so close in relation to yourself in this lifetime? Not very often. Twice is lucky. I got a streak going on.
By the way..I have decided to put my beach photos over there ---->
Well, for now anyway.
One blog is 51313 Harbor St. He writes on life, his own or thoughts on others and includes some of his creative writing as well. Although not nearly enough :p. He is intelligent and thoughtful. You can tell he is a genuine person. I like that and it is so hard to find these days.
Another is Modern Motherhood Now this girl can write. She has "the" way of putting her thoughts down, clear and concise. I wish I could say things in such a way as her. It is funny, smart, informed, and convicted. So many qualities I admire.
I have a couple others I read. And they too say it in a way that I get. My techy friend once told me, that there are other people out there like us. Meaning, the depth in which we think, analyze and consider. I knew he was right. But the rarity in finding someone such as that and being able to speak with them, have friendship was slight to say the least. How often do you come across someone so close in relation to yourself in this lifetime? Not very often. Twice is lucky. I got a streak going on.
By the way..I have decided to put my beach photos over there ---->
Well, for now anyway.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Apple Pie in my window
I apologize for my rant earlier. I was a bit fed up and I get really tired of having to fake it sometimes. I felt this pic of the ocean today was more representative of my black/white stormy disposition. I still am hoping that this daily visualization is going to get me closer to my goal...
Anyway...
Tomorrow is Friday. My favorite day...I swear. Such relief and I get so excited at looking forward to a low pressure weekend. Ahhh...
My really short date went very nice. He is such a "nice" guy. A little on the goofy side, but I happen to like the nerdy, off type. For some reason I made him nervous. He kept blushing the entire time. All we did was sit and have coffee. We hadn't really had any one on one time, so maybe that was it. I dunno. I had someone I dated once, tell me that I come off as really intimidating and that if he had met me on the street that he would never have had approached me. Hummm....ok. Most people tell me that I make them feel comfortable and relaxed. So I don't get it. Troy was so very "nice" though. I have to say I am not used to that. He even brought me a bag of my favorite candy. I thought...wow...he actually remembered something so obscure as that? What do I do? I just said thank you. *shrug* He already asked me out again and I said yeah. Maybe he will relax a little after laughing at the movies.
Fini
Erg. I am reaching my limit. The lava is ready to inch forth, break free...release. How much longer do I have to wait? When do I get my freaking break? I don't. I have to smile and be happy and just go with whatever anyones needs from me. How about my needs...wants...desires? Do I get the flipping chance to have something?? Do something? Arg. All I get to do is what everyone else wants and needs from me. Damn it if I don't want something taking care of for me so I don't have to worry about it. Someone...anyone at this point, just tell me that you will handle it "Don't worry Michelle...I will take of it." Please? Damn it all anyway. @#%$&!
I am flipping tired.
I am flipping tired.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Anybody got a screw?
(I crack myself up)
My Day
Me: (walking into the office - setting paperwork on the desk)
James: You look aweful.
Me: ??? Ok. Yeah I guess I am a bit tired James.
James: Oh! I didn't mean that how it sounded.
Me: It's ok James. I didn't take it personally.
James: Really I am sorry. I didn't mean it that way.
Me: It's ok James. Really. I didn't take it "that" way.
So...I did really try to look my best today, considering how much I have been working and how frazzled my mind is, where work is concerned. I am on overload. Apparently it is showing through no matter how much I have tried to hide it. Sometimes I hate that I can be so dang transparent. Only one of the reasons I like my sun glasses so much. It is something to hide behind and don't feel like someone can see what is behind my eyes at any given moment. Unfortunately, the glasses are somewhat obvious in the office. :p My boss, James, told me yesterday that I could have Friday off, on his dime. Sort of a thanks, from him, for all that I have been doing. I am going to work, however. And will use the day, at some point, when I can. At least, he acknowledged my efforts. Personally, I am thinking a week in Cabo on his dime would be a bit more satisfactory. But, ya know, I am not going to push it.
I had this date on Thursday. But my week keeps getting rearranged for me. I had to do some juggling and figured that if I put off this date then I would get the usual "You are too busy to have a relationship" stigma. But to my surprise, he was amazingly understanding. We are still going out. But only for a short time to talk for a bit. He understood. Or seemed to anyway...and was more than happy to have what time we could share together. Hmmm. I don't smell anything with this one. (Watch...I will end up liking him way more than he does me. And so ... hurt will ensue and I will be right back here whining about how it all sucks.) A little pessimism for ya ;)
Anyway, I bought a bottle of wine tonight. I dont' really drink but it sounded really good after finally getting off of work. I haven't opened it yet. As it is, I haven't done a damn thing around my house and need to get something done before I start feeling my eyelids fall. Frankly, wine or any sort of liquor makes me "frisky" (Gawd that sounds dated, how about "randy"? ugh...no) and I am not hungry for peanut butter. I don't think I want to go through the torture of singledom so it sits in my fridge, corked. Corked? Ok..I could go on with that one. But I will spare ya.
Sweet dreams...
My Day
Me: (walking into the office - setting paperwork on the desk)
James: You look aweful.
Me: ??? Ok. Yeah I guess I am a bit tired James.
James: Oh! I didn't mean that how it sounded.
Me: It's ok James. I didn't take it personally.
James: Really I am sorry. I didn't mean it that way.
Me: It's ok James. Really. I didn't take it "that" way.
So...I did really try to look my best today, considering how much I have been working and how frazzled my mind is, where work is concerned. I am on overload. Apparently it is showing through no matter how much I have tried to hide it. Sometimes I hate that I can be so dang transparent. Only one of the reasons I like my sun glasses so much. It is something to hide behind and don't feel like someone can see what is behind my eyes at any given moment. Unfortunately, the glasses are somewhat obvious in the office. :p My boss, James, told me yesterday that I could have Friday off, on his dime. Sort of a thanks, from him, for all that I have been doing. I am going to work, however. And will use the day, at some point, when I can. At least, he acknowledged my efforts. Personally, I am thinking a week in Cabo on his dime would be a bit more satisfactory. But, ya know, I am not going to push it.
I had this date on Thursday. But my week keeps getting rearranged for me. I had to do some juggling and figured that if I put off this date then I would get the usual "You are too busy to have a relationship" stigma. But to my surprise, he was amazingly understanding. We are still going out. But only for a short time to talk for a bit. He understood. Or seemed to anyway...and was more than happy to have what time we could share together. Hmmm. I don't smell anything with this one. (Watch...I will end up liking him way more than he does me. And so ... hurt will ensue and I will be right back here whining about how it all sucks.) A little pessimism for ya ;)
Anyway, I bought a bottle of wine tonight. I dont' really drink but it sounded really good after finally getting off of work. I haven't opened it yet. As it is, I haven't done a damn thing around my house and need to get something done before I start feeling my eyelids fall. Frankly, wine or any sort of liquor makes me "frisky" (Gawd that sounds dated, how about "randy"? ugh...no) and I am not hungry for peanut butter. I don't think I want to go through the torture of singledom so it sits in my fridge, corked. Corked? Ok..I could go on with that one. But I will spare ya.
Sweet dreams...
Tug O'War
Right. Scratch whatever sympathetic thoughts I may have had for my little brother. Little butthead. Arg. I can't comment anymore than that for fear of being...not very nice. Let's just say he isn't "missing" anymore. Didn't I mention he was on my mind this morning? He showed up today.
I am frustrated with work. I wrote this huge thing about why and who and what for. I feel bad for not feeling sorry for someone and/or perhaps displaying a bit more compassion than I have. It is hard for me, to feel that for someone I just do not trust. For someone, that has done nothing but give me difficulty, either directly or indirectly, from the get go.
But ya know...I am giving it way too much power and just need to get my work done...
I am frustrated with work. I wrote this huge thing about why and who and what for. I feel bad for not feeling sorry for someone and/or perhaps displaying a bit more compassion than I have. It is hard for me, to feel that for someone I just do not trust. For someone, that has done nothing but give me difficulty, either directly or indirectly, from the get go.
But ya know...I am giving it way too much power and just need to get my work done...
Proverbs 22:6
I really like this one...but I am starting to wonder if this is helping me or not. I am thinking not. I really want to be there. It feels like 'need' at this point.
I crashed hard last night. In fact, I think I could sleep for another few hours. But, it is another day and I am off and running. As it would seem, I am not the only one that is running. My youngest brother is missing. I woke with him on my mind this morning. Not that I haven't been thinking of him. There is nothing fowl in play, he is just young and confused and is having trouble with making things right. I hope he is ok, I pray he is safe, and my prayers are for my parents that worry and wonder.
Keep them in yours too.
I crashed hard last night. In fact, I think I could sleep for another few hours. But, it is another day and I am off and running. As it would seem, I am not the only one that is running. My youngest brother is missing. I woke with him on my mind this morning. Not that I haven't been thinking of him. There is nothing fowl in play, he is just young and confused and is having trouble with making things right. I hope he is ok, I pray he is safe, and my prayers are for my parents that worry and wonder. Keep them in yours too.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Mizrahi needs a lesson in comfort...
Today's thought...see my foot prints down there? (Squint...it makes it easier...)
Ok. I am officially exhausted. I honestly don't know what I would have done without my daughter tonight. She was an amazing help to me at this show I did. (I met some of my long time clients and managed to make some possible new ones ta' boot ;) Without her there I wouldn't have been able to schmooze much.)I am so proud of this little person, which ya know, isn't really little at all. Her heart and soul are huge. She amazes me daily, I swear.
Last week, at her church group, they had what is called "Store Night". During their lessons they can earn "Dollars" to save up and buy themselves something with. Well, she had a ton saved up. She spent them all that night, except for a few, but didn't spend a dime on herself. She bought cute little things for her cousins, to give them on their birthdays. I am not sure what I did to raise such a giving and thoughtful child. I am so blessed...
Back to being exhausted. These are the days when I do wish I had someone to come home to. A deep hug, a rub on the back, and "Good Job" hun...would make my night. Not to mention, a warm body to snuggle up to in bed. But...I don't. And it is ok. I have this awesome down comforter and velvet duvet set that feels really good. :p
Ok. I am officially exhausted. I honestly don't know what I would have done without my daughter tonight. She was an amazing help to me at this show I did. (I met some of my long time clients and managed to make some possible new ones ta' boot ;) Without her there I wouldn't have been able to schmooze much.)I am so proud of this little person, which ya know, isn't really little at all. Her heart and soul are huge. She amazes me daily, I swear.
Last week, at her church group, they had what is called "Store Night". During their lessons they can earn "Dollars" to save up and buy themselves something with. Well, she had a ton saved up. She spent them all that night, except for a few, but didn't spend a dime on herself. She bought cute little things for her cousins, to give them on their birthdays. I am not sure what I did to raise such a giving and thoughtful child. I am so blessed...
Back to being exhausted. These are the days when I do wish I had someone to come home to. A deep hug, a rub on the back, and "Good Job" hun...would make my night. Not to mention, a warm body to snuggle up to in bed. But...I don't. And it is ok. I have this awesome down comforter and velvet duvet set that feels really good. :p
Monday, February 21, 2005
Sunsets, Serendipity and Sneezes
Since I wasn't able to go to the beach this weekend, I am bringing the beach to me. Each day, I am going to fill my vision with those that I love and miss. I had thought that I might be able to go on Spring break...but from the looks of it, I am not. Perhaps it will work out...I don't know. I only go one day at a time. Maybe, for the time being, this will curb the craving. Would you just look at that sunset? Dang me, yes, I am there, on the sand dune, kicking back and melting into the scene...
So, it was Monday. Shining in all it's glory. I had a mess of stuff to do and still try to be a mom, too. I think I did ok, although the work is piled up on my desk. I had to go do some photographs today...dragging my sickly child with me. One of the places, boasted a man with a broken collar bone. He was also two doors down from someone I used to know. I felt bad for disturbing him and was in a hurry to boot for fear of being seen. Long story...and I may have been worried for nothing. However, it didn't stop the pounding in my chest and the overcoming need to get the hell out of there. I shot my pics and sped off in the snow.
My baby is sick again. I can tell, usually, by just looking at her but it is always a given when she calls me Mama. It is my cue, that she is needing me to comfort and make her feel better. I couldn't seem to get her in the clear over the weekend so I figured I needed some help. The Dr's couldn't tell what was wrong. They sent us on our way with an assumption of another virus. He said if she gets worse again, then bring her back. And so what would they test for next time that they couldn't do this time? Ugh. It frustrates me that I can't fix it, when she feels bad. So, now, she is cuddled up in my bed. At least, tonight, I will hear her when she calls Mama...
So, it was Monday. Shining in all it's glory. I had a mess of stuff to do and still try to be a mom, too. I think I did ok, although the work is piled up on my desk. I had to go do some photographs today...dragging my sickly child with me. One of the places, boasted a man with a broken collar bone. He was also two doors down from someone I used to know. I felt bad for disturbing him and was in a hurry to boot for fear of being seen. Long story...and I may have been worried for nothing. However, it didn't stop the pounding in my chest and the overcoming need to get the hell out of there. I shot my pics and sped off in the snow.My baby is sick again. I can tell, usually, by just looking at her but it is always a given when she calls me Mama. It is my cue, that she is needing me to comfort and make her feel better. I couldn't seem to get her in the clear over the weekend so I figured I needed some help. The Dr's couldn't tell what was wrong. They sent us on our way with an assumption of another virus. He said if she gets worse again, then bring her back. And so what would they test for next time that they couldn't do this time? Ugh. It frustrates me that I can't fix it, when she feels bad. So, now, she is cuddled up in my bed. At least, tonight, I will hear her when she calls Mama...
Sunday, February 20, 2005
T.M.I.
Got this from one of the blogs I read...Most likely more than anyone needs to know about me :P
TEN Random Things About Me
10. Laughing calms my nerves.
09. I am a rock star in my car.
08. I bite my lip when I am nervous.
07. Gummi Bears get you a lot further with me than chocolate.
06. So will flowers
05. I dislike shoes...and socks are evil.
04. I don't like shopping unless I know what I want and have the money to buy it.
03. I can be really intuitive..when I let it happen.
02. I had a mole removed under my arm when I was 9.
01. I have to, have, sweet pickles when I eat Tuna Fish
NINE Places I've Visited
09. Dallas
08. Denver
07. Pheonix
06. Las Vegas
05. Reno
04. Laughlin (are you seeing a pattern here?)
03. Seattle
02. Catalina Island
01. I need to travel more...
EIGHT things I want to do before I die-
08. Publish a book (all my own)
07. Travel...extensively
06. Sing in Church and not be so incredibly nervous that I sound like a retard
05. See my daughter grown, happy and doing her hearts desire
04. Find my birthfather
03. Help to better someones life other than my own
02. Forgive those that have hurt me
01. Make sure my family knows how much value I place in them
SEVEN Ways to win my heart
07. Giving, physically and emotionally
06. Able to see humor in the worst of situations
05. Complete honesty...while maintaining compassion
04. Intellect
03. A killer smile (big brown eyes don't hurt either)
02. Faith
01. A sense of adventure
SIX Things I believe in
06. God
05. Myself
04. Honesty
03. Love
02. Life gets easier when intentions are clearly stated. (I kept this one)
01. Maturity and Wisdom, do not come with age.
FIVE Things I'm afraid of
05. Falling
04. Letting myself love someone again
03. Losing my daughter
02. Not being able to provide for my daughter
01. Failure
FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom:
04. My pillow
03. My down comforter
02. PS2
01. The little blonde haired angel that sits on my dressing table. Mom gave it to me, years ago.
THREE Things I do everyday
03. Tell my daughter how much I love her (a Billion green gummi bears)
02. Listen to music
01. Write
TWO Things I am trying not to do right now:
02. Laundry
01. Draw a complete blank to answering these questions. How hard can this be anyway?
ONE Person I want to see right now:
01. Hmmm. I don't know that I should answer this one. Well, I will just say Techy Man. He is the one guy that got me and didn't sit and tell me how to do it better. (other than my grammer) I would like to see him and pick his brain for hours.
TEN Random Things About Me
10. Laughing calms my nerves.
09. I am a rock star in my car.
08. I bite my lip when I am nervous.
07. Gummi Bears get you a lot further with me than chocolate.
06. So will flowers
05. I dislike shoes...and socks are evil.
04. I don't like shopping unless I know what I want and have the money to buy it.
03. I can be really intuitive..when I let it happen.
02. I had a mole removed under my arm when I was 9.
01. I have to, have, sweet pickles when I eat Tuna Fish
NINE Places I've Visited
09. Dallas
08. Denver
07. Pheonix
06. Las Vegas
05. Reno
04. Laughlin (are you seeing a pattern here?)
03. Seattle
02. Catalina Island
01. I need to travel more...
EIGHT things I want to do before I die-
08. Publish a book (all my own)
07. Travel...extensively
06. Sing in Church and not be so incredibly nervous that I sound like a retard
05. See my daughter grown, happy and doing her hearts desire
04. Find my birthfather
03. Help to better someones life other than my own
02. Forgive those that have hurt me
01. Make sure my family knows how much value I place in them
SEVEN Ways to win my heart
07. Giving, physically and emotionally
06. Able to see humor in the worst of situations
05. Complete honesty...while maintaining compassion
04. Intellect
03. A killer smile (big brown eyes don't hurt either)
02. Faith
01. A sense of adventure
SIX Things I believe in
06. God
05. Myself
04. Honesty
03. Love
02. Life gets easier when intentions are clearly stated. (I kept this one)
01. Maturity and Wisdom, do not come with age.
FIVE Things I'm afraid of
05. Falling
04. Letting myself love someone again
03. Losing my daughter
02. Not being able to provide for my daughter
01. Failure
FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom:
04. My pillow
03. My down comforter
02. PS2
01. The little blonde haired angel that sits on my dressing table. Mom gave it to me, years ago.
THREE Things I do everyday
03. Tell my daughter how much I love her (a Billion green gummi bears)
02. Listen to music
01. Write
TWO Things I am trying not to do right now:
02. Laundry
01. Draw a complete blank to answering these questions. How hard can this be anyway?
ONE Person I want to see right now:
01. Hmmm. I don't know that I should answer this one. Well, I will just say Techy Man. He is the one guy that got me and didn't sit and tell me how to do it better. (other than my grammer) I would like to see him and pick his brain for hours.
Noggin'
My reason for doing this blog thing was to be able to rationalize one thought at a time. To take one...think it through and give it some validity and discipline. My journal that I keep on my system is a bit...hmmm...out there. It is everything jumbled together with a ton of emotion and really bad punctuation. It is spew pretty much. :p I still have the same challenge of singling out one at a time, however. Such as today. So many different ones going through that I can't set a single sentence to just one of them. I remember having to go to these special speech classes when I was younger, because my thoughts would move faster than my lips and I would end up tongue tied. I still have that sometimes, but I have noticed that it plays out when I write as well.
One down.
I am wondering today, why it is that when you realize, or at least tell yourself, that you don't want something or can't...that, that is when so many opportunities arise to tell you to try different. One after the other I might add. Dang me. What to do? Walk away and say No I can't do this? Or try again? I dunno. I am tempted to go for it and see what happens. I mean..sheesh...he looks like Alan Jackson and loves all kinds of music (huge plus in my book). Very tempting indeed. Maybe I will feel different about this one. I really can't say. All I can do is go one day at a time. Whatever happens...happens. I am starting to lean towards Australia...Hawaii has too many tourists. :p
And another...
I am having some "issues" with the new girl in the office. I am trying my hardest not to be catty. Really. But I can't say that she is being the same. I am ignoring her sly remarks towards me (to the best of my ability) since I have to train this person and work with her on a daily basis. She exemplifies the reason why most of my friends are men. They are much easier to get along with and there isn't the whole "I am prettier than you" crap going on. Ugh...I hate that. I showed her a picture, the other day, of the guy that I was thinking about going out with...she said "Well he is a sexy old man isn't he?" Old...Ummm he is only 3 years older than me. So what does that make me, a sexy OLD woman?? Yeah. Grr.
*insert editing here*
The rest of that prior paragraph wasn't very nice. So much for the "trying my hardest not to be catty" part. I am going to be nice. I swear. If I let it bother me then my work life (which is much more than my personal) will suck and from my own doing. I need to break out the gullible and naive part and think that she doesn't mean to be so nasty. What she says...isn't meant that way. Repeat as necessary.
So...I promised to bake some brownies after dinner and I always keep my promises...
Hope you enjoyed your weekend!
One down.
I am wondering today, why it is that when you realize, or at least tell yourself, that you don't want something or can't...that, that is when so many opportunities arise to tell you to try different. One after the other I might add. Dang me. What to do? Walk away and say No I can't do this? Or try again? I dunno. I am tempted to go for it and see what happens. I mean..sheesh...he looks like Alan Jackson and loves all kinds of music (huge plus in my book). Very tempting indeed. Maybe I will feel different about this one. I really can't say. All I can do is go one day at a time. Whatever happens...happens. I am starting to lean towards Australia...Hawaii has too many tourists. :p
And another...
I am having some "issues" with the new girl in the office. I am trying my hardest not to be catty. Really. But I can't say that she is being the same. I am ignoring her sly remarks towards me (to the best of my ability) since I have to train this person and work with her on a daily basis. She exemplifies the reason why most of my friends are men. They are much easier to get along with and there isn't the whole "I am prettier than you" crap going on. Ugh...I hate that. I showed her a picture, the other day, of the guy that I was thinking about going out with...she said "Well he is a sexy old man isn't he?" Old...Ummm he is only 3 years older than me. So what does that make me, a sexy OLD woman?? Yeah. Grr.
*insert editing here*
The rest of that prior paragraph wasn't very nice. So much for the "trying my hardest not to be catty" part. I am going to be nice. I swear. If I let it bother me then my work life (which is much more than my personal) will suck and from my own doing. I need to break out the gullible and naive part and think that she doesn't mean to be so nasty. What she says...isn't meant that way. Repeat as necessary.
So...I promised to bake some brownies after dinner and I always keep my promises...
Hope you enjoyed your weekend!
Saturday, February 19, 2005
"Out, Out damn spot! Out, I say!"
Ok saw the movie Sideways last night. My evening turned out much different than what I thought and it was so much fun. But the movie...was funny. Dang me. Not what I expected at all...but then I didn't really have any expectations. I had no clue what it was about. It was one of those...somewhat artsy, film festival types that had me hoping I didn't pee my pants there in the seat. Too much...
"I've been a bad bad girl" *laughing my ass off*
Ok so...spending time alone this morning I read something that I shouldn't have. Now it brings a flood of memories I don't want to remember. It hurts. And I am kicking myself for doing so. Duh Michelle...and you thought this would be good why? I have those questions in my mind again as to why I am so easy to lose. Why am I so dispensable? Do I mean so little to some that meant the world to me? I hate that feeling. And it gets me everytime I ponder on the person that really felt different. I know this sounds horrible, but I sometimes wish they were gone from the face of this earth. Some sort of permanence to the escape of their existence. I dont' get why this one has been so hard. What is so freaking different about it that I have this trouble? It was much easier letting go of others (in retrospect) and this one stays with me for some inexplicable reason.
(looking back on that last paragraph...I see it as the metal brick in my wall of fear. Not even metal...but some impenetrable, indestructible material not of this planet. It is the nemesis...the force to be reckoned...and the one thing that holds me back from being completely happy. I see in my mind this place of that happiness but yet a small gray cloud hangs in the corner. Sometimes increasing in size and then releasing and reducing back down. But always there, just the same.)
So...I have so much to do today that I am hoping this will be the last thought on it for today. I have many possibilities and opportunities to move forward. My focus is those and where I need to place the importance.
"I've been a bad bad girl" *laughing my ass off*
Ok so...spending time alone this morning I read something that I shouldn't have. Now it brings a flood of memories I don't want to remember. It hurts. And I am kicking myself for doing so. Duh Michelle...and you thought this would be good why? I have those questions in my mind again as to why I am so easy to lose. Why am I so dispensable? Do I mean so little to some that meant the world to me? I hate that feeling. And it gets me everytime I ponder on the person that really felt different. I know this sounds horrible, but I sometimes wish they were gone from the face of this earth. Some sort of permanence to the escape of their existence. I dont' get why this one has been so hard. What is so freaking different about it that I have this trouble? It was much easier letting go of others (in retrospect) and this one stays with me for some inexplicable reason.
(looking back on that last paragraph...I see it as the metal brick in my wall of fear. Not even metal...but some impenetrable, indestructible material not of this planet. It is the nemesis...the force to be reckoned...and the one thing that holds me back from being completely happy. I see in my mind this place of that happiness but yet a small gray cloud hangs in the corner. Sometimes increasing in size and then releasing and reducing back down. But always there, just the same.)
So...I have so much to do today that I am hoping this will be the last thought on it for today. I have many possibilities and opportunities to move forward. My focus is those and where I need to place the importance.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Something mindless please?
It's Friday!! Yeehaw...
And so you may ask why the heck I am on here? Me too.. :P I even have a free night. Baby girl is at her friends for the night. Hummmm so much time to myself. Dang me. What should I do? I got a few ideas...but most likely I am going to hang out here and play video games, order in some Chinese. Yeah ok...so I still play those. Just cause you hit...umm a certain age, doesn't mean you have to entirely grow up. Does it? No...
I am starting to wonder if I am capable of loving someone again. I know...the whole relationship thing. But seriously...I wonder. It has nothing to do with the Come on Strong Guy...but just this last year. Maybe I have dated way too much and now I am just feeling that I can't do it. Ya know? It isn't in me, the give is gone, been wacked upside the head too much, I dunno. Or...it could be...that I just know what I want and refuse to settle for less. It makes it pretty slim pickins and when someone comes along that is interesting, piques my curiousity...there is something I find out that just won't work with my boundaries. I am not rigid...in fact my mom points out how habitually naive I am and gullible. She is right...I am not criticizing. But I really do want to believe that someone is good. Within... It just really sucks when you find out they aren't what you thought...hoped. Hmmm.
Ugh...no more thought. I am hittin the vid game section at Wally world.
And so you may ask why the heck I am on here? Me too.. :P I even have a free night. Baby girl is at her friends for the night. Hummmm so much time to myself. Dang me. What should I do? I got a few ideas...but most likely I am going to hang out here and play video games, order in some Chinese. Yeah ok...so I still play those. Just cause you hit...umm a certain age, doesn't mean you have to entirely grow up. Does it? No...
I am starting to wonder if I am capable of loving someone again. I know...the whole relationship thing. But seriously...I wonder. It has nothing to do with the Come on Strong Guy...but just this last year. Maybe I have dated way too much and now I am just feeling that I can't do it. Ya know? It isn't in me, the give is gone, been wacked upside the head too much, I dunno. Or...it could be...that I just know what I want and refuse to settle for less. It makes it pretty slim pickins and when someone comes along that is interesting, piques my curiousity...there is something I find out that just won't work with my boundaries. I am not rigid...in fact my mom points out how habitually naive I am and gullible. She is right...I am not criticizing. But I really do want to believe that someone is good. Within... It just really sucks when you find out they aren't what you thought...hoped. Hmmm.
Ugh...no more thought. I am hittin the vid game section at Wally world.
A basket full
I like my lunch break I must say. It gives opportunity to catch up on emails and such. And I would just like to give a "Booyah!" for tax time. Thankfully I was able to show a loss on my return with my home based stuff so that meant a nice gain....now. Woohoo! And just in time...
Ok so...the more I think about "come on strong" guy...the more it all creeps me out. I have found no one that disagrees with me on this or can see something that maybe I am not. So...I am making the right decision and am not going to feel bad or wrong for my position. I was completely honest and straightforward the entire time...I didn't lead him on to think more or that I was feeling anything close to what he was. So I am ok. I finally feel some pressure leaving from the whole thing. Yeesh...
So...My pole sits in the ocean. Juicy worms dangle below the surface of the cool waters...*big cheesy grin*
Ok so...the more I think about "come on strong" guy...the more it all creeps me out. I have found no one that disagrees with me on this or can see something that maybe I am not. So...I am making the right decision and am not going to feel bad or wrong for my position. I was completely honest and straightforward the entire time...I didn't lead him on to think more or that I was feeling anything close to what he was. So I am ok. I finally feel some pressure leaving from the whole thing. Yeesh...
So...My pole sits in the ocean. Juicy worms dangle below the surface of the cool waters...*big cheesy grin*
Thursday, February 17, 2005
On the Download...
The Goddess of Fire and Happiness. You are a ball of energy. Always compassionate and full of life, you can make anyone feel happy and you are exceptionally uplifting. You are an individual beauty.
Courtesy of Quizilla
The stuff you do when you are waiting for iTunes to finish it's thing...thanks Vixen.
16%
Apparently, I have a lot on my mind today. I think I hit 300 posts...a couple posts back. Anyway...my daughter is a bit sick of this cd I have going on lately. We are now having music wars. She is still awake. We only just finished her science project that is being presented tomorrow. Thursdays...are busy ones for us. As I was saying..I got the music playing on my computer and she is in her room blasting her music. Hmmmm. This isn't going to fly very long.
38%
I really like the "stealth" thing. Yup. Unless you take someone off of your list and then you are screwed. I take my chances with those...but I have learned my lesson and now they stay on whether I want them there or not. Yes...I am hiding from him. I just am not ready to talk or anything. It seems a bit futile and the nicer I try to be, the worse it gets. So I am taking the stance of zero communication. I am not the end all be all of women. I know a few that could attest to that. (no comments from the peanut gallery...thanks)
52%
Why is it that some people remain with you so long after they've gone? Nothing negative here. I just mean in some sort of part of you...I guess. I dunno. I can't figure out why the connection is there. Weird one that it is. Makes my head hurt, it feels like it is being pulled in a direction I can't see.
68%
This weekend, was supposed to be the "Beach" weekend. I was so excited about it. Me and Rach... But, I can't go. Had the hotel and all. But...the boss has to be somewhere and I need to be here. I understand and it is much more important. Maybe spring break...ya know...when all the tourists are there. Hmmmph.
92%
iTunes is killing me. Upgrade already.
99%
It's about time...
Courtesy of Quizilla
The stuff you do when you are waiting for iTunes to finish it's thing...thanks Vixen.
16%
Apparently, I have a lot on my mind today. I think I hit 300 posts...a couple posts back. Anyway...my daughter is a bit sick of this cd I have going on lately. We are now having music wars. She is still awake. We only just finished her science project that is being presented tomorrow. Thursdays...are busy ones for us. As I was saying..I got the music playing on my computer and she is in her room blasting her music. Hmmmm. This isn't going to fly very long.
38%
I really like the "stealth" thing. Yup. Unless you take someone off of your list and then you are screwed. I take my chances with those...but I have learned my lesson and now they stay on whether I want them there or not. Yes...I am hiding from him. I just am not ready to talk or anything. It seems a bit futile and the nicer I try to be, the worse it gets. So I am taking the stance of zero communication. I am not the end all be all of women. I know a few that could attest to that. (no comments from the peanut gallery...thanks)
52%
Why is it that some people remain with you so long after they've gone? Nothing negative here. I just mean in some sort of part of you...I guess. I dunno. I can't figure out why the connection is there. Weird one that it is. Makes my head hurt, it feels like it is being pulled in a direction I can't see.
68%
This weekend, was supposed to be the "Beach" weekend. I was so excited about it. Me and Rach... But, I can't go. Had the hotel and all. But...the boss has to be somewhere and I need to be here. I understand and it is much more important. Maybe spring break...ya know...when all the tourists are there. Hmmmph.
92%
iTunes is killing me. Upgrade already.
99%
It's about time...
30 secs and counting...
Right...so I write as I run.
He sent me another card today. This one...made me chuckle. And I feel horrible and absolutely wretched for it. Ugh. The card...said..."I can't be without you and I won't let you go. I want you and no one else." Huh?? Just yesterday he said I was too busy. Blah...blah...etc... I was like...fantastic. It all works out just fine. And now he puts this on me. Damn it. And the music in the background just cracked me up. It really is just too much. John Denver was singing the way you make me feel or something like that. Really dramatic and such. Ya know...i get it if we had some deep meaningful relationship that spanned over several years. But hello??? We have only known each other for 3 weeks. 3 freaking weeks. Good golly miss molly this is so out of wack I am not even sure what to do. I sit motionless just sort of ignoring it all. I dont' know what to say or do or even write to him.
Please oh f'ng please...if I am to be with someone make him normal huh? Liars and those resembling Velcro are not my idea of normal.
Ok got to run again...out the door. Nice to be home for a minute...
He sent me another card today. This one...made me chuckle. And I feel horrible and absolutely wretched for it. Ugh. The card...said..."I can't be without you and I won't let you go. I want you and no one else." Huh?? Just yesterday he said I was too busy. Blah...blah...etc... I was like...fantastic. It all works out just fine. And now he puts this on me. Damn it. And the music in the background just cracked me up. It really is just too much. John Denver was singing the way you make me feel or something like that. Really dramatic and such. Ya know...i get it if we had some deep meaningful relationship that spanned over several years. But hello??? We have only known each other for 3 weeks. 3 freaking weeks. Good golly miss molly this is so out of wack I am not even sure what to do. I sit motionless just sort of ignoring it all. I dont' know what to say or do or even write to him.
Please oh f'ng please...if I am to be with someone make him normal huh? Liars and those resembling Velcro are not my idea of normal.
Ok got to run again...out the door. Nice to be home for a minute...
Miles of Footprints
I can't say that I share all these that I get. But there are some that seem to hit home with me. Such as the following. Sometimes I wonder if it is that they know exactly what is going through my mind. Uncanny...
Speaking of...someone has been going through my mind a lot lately. I thought it was because a year had passed since so many bad feelings were in me about him. That I was, my mind was, playing tricks on me to get me back to where I was then. But...I have moved past those hurts and such. Anyway, I keep having dreams of him and wonder why they are so vivid. The mind works in mysterious ways, I'll tell ya.
My Daily OM
Don't Be Afraid
What Is Fear?
Young and old, rich and poor, man and woman - each of us exists in the shadow of fear. From the time we first become conscious, we are plagued by fears and though our fears evolve, they never leave us. Most of us tend to make life choices based on the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of being mocked, the fear of the unknown, and the fear that we have sullied the gift of life. In many ways fear can be a comforting crutch. But while fear is a natural and necessary innate survival instinct, it can also be a hindrance that works to keep a person's soul from reaching its potential. When you live in reaction to your fears (be they big or small), that fear is in control of your life.
In Buddhism, there are two types of fear. There is the fear inspired by real dangers, and there is the fear of that which cannot harm us and that which we cannot control. This is the unhealthy fear that can make you unhappy and arrests your creativity. The latter is more like an intense worry, a doubt, or nervousness that paralyzes your desire to act.
When fear comes, there are numerous ways to soothe yourself. You may find that writing in a journal, praying, meditation, interacting with a pet, or listening to peaceful music can ease you into a less fearful and more confident state. If you find yourself overwhelmed by fear, regain control by giving yourself to the count of five to acknowledge your feelings in whatever way is comfortable, and then banish those feelings by finding a constructive solution. Another way to deal with fear is to treat it like an entity within you. Get very quiet and centered and talk to it, ask it what it wants, why is it there, what does it need? Your body has all of the answers already, you simply need to ask and then listen. You may be surprised at what you come up with if you really spend some time with this. After you have sorted through these feelings, ask the fear to leave. If you like, make a ceremony for yourself with candles releasing the fear to the universe. See the fear leaving! your body and being transformed into beautiful light.
Our entire lives are mysteries and none of us know what the future will bring. The strongest weapon we possess against fear is remembering the many blessings, talents, and loved-ones we possess in the present - for those are the gifts that can keep fear at bay.
Speaking of...someone has been going through my mind a lot lately. I thought it was because a year had passed since so many bad feelings were in me about him. That I was, my mind was, playing tricks on me to get me back to where I was then. But...I have moved past those hurts and such. Anyway, I keep having dreams of him and wonder why they are so vivid. The mind works in mysterious ways, I'll tell ya.
My Daily OM
Don't Be Afraid
What Is Fear?
Young and old, rich and poor, man and woman - each of us exists in the shadow of fear. From the time we first become conscious, we are plagued by fears and though our fears evolve, they never leave us. Most of us tend to make life choices based on the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of being mocked, the fear of the unknown, and the fear that we have sullied the gift of life. In many ways fear can be a comforting crutch. But while fear is a natural and necessary innate survival instinct, it can also be a hindrance that works to keep a person's soul from reaching its potential. When you live in reaction to your fears (be they big or small), that fear is in control of your life.
In Buddhism, there are two types of fear. There is the fear inspired by real dangers, and there is the fear of that which cannot harm us and that which we cannot control. This is the unhealthy fear that can make you unhappy and arrests your creativity. The latter is more like an intense worry, a doubt, or nervousness that paralyzes your desire to act.
When fear comes, there are numerous ways to soothe yourself. You may find that writing in a journal, praying, meditation, interacting with a pet, or listening to peaceful music can ease you into a less fearful and more confident state. If you find yourself overwhelmed by fear, regain control by giving yourself to the count of five to acknowledge your feelings in whatever way is comfortable, and then banish those feelings by finding a constructive solution. Another way to deal with fear is to treat it like an entity within you. Get very quiet and centered and talk to it, ask it what it wants, why is it there, what does it need? Your body has all of the answers already, you simply need to ask and then listen. You may be surprised at what you come up with if you really spend some time with this. After you have sorted through these feelings, ask the fear to leave. If you like, make a ceremony for yourself with candles releasing the fear to the universe. See the fear leaving! your body and being transformed into beautiful light.
Our entire lives are mysteries and none of us know what the future will bring. The strongest weapon we possess against fear is remembering the many blessings, talents, and loved-ones we possess in the present - for those are the gifts that can keep fear at bay.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Crumbs in my milk
Ever take a water hose...pinch it and watch the pressure build? Only to release it and feel it relax and flow in your hand? I like the feeling of the water finally getting relief. Allowance to move and spill forth.
I finally completely severed this...whatever you want to call it....with the "come on strong" guy. In a round about way, he did it himself. It needed to be done. I sent a response to an email he sent me today, explaining once again how I need to go slow. My life is in such a way that I cannot be what he is wanting. (ie walk away from my entire life to be with him)I told him that I can't express the kind of emotion he is wanting from me in such a short time. My belief is that Love is a choice, and not a quick decision either. Friendship needs to build first where trust and a mutual respect can grow. Love isn't some snap, predestined feeling that suddenly arises when you look upon someone. That isn't real. What it is, is loneliness and a need to have someone fill a void. I, personally, don't need someone that completes me or makes me feel whole. I have that already with myself and my beliefs. If I am to be with someone...it is to share and enjoy what already is and to discover maybe something new.
My techy friend once quoted
How true that is...and so not something I want or feel is healthy for either party involved. Real love is enduring.
He told me that I was too busy for him. That he didn't want to be left wondering when I would give to him. Ummm..hello? Isn't it supposed to be giving to each other? In all our conversations, it has been about when I would go to him...when I would move there...when I would submit. And all in about 3 weeks time of meeting him. Sorta... Why would any of this be a consideration in such a minimal amount of time? Beats me and seems all to wacky and forced. Then, I get home from work and receive an e-card saying how much he Loves me. Loves me? I am sorry...it has a sweet connotation but is rather ridiculous. Was it guilt he was trying to put on me? Thinking I would come running back because I am walking away from something so right? All it did was make me wonder about his stability.
So...now I have gone from some guy (C.J.) that thought I had no personal life aside from him (whatever) to a guy that said I had too much personal life other than him. Go figure. I can't win for losing. I am just me...I haven't been any different with either person. There has got to be someone in the middle...it is like an Oreo with no creamy filling. It just ain't right.
I finally completely severed this...whatever you want to call it....with the "come on strong" guy. In a round about way, he did it himself. It needed to be done. I sent a response to an email he sent me today, explaining once again how I need to go slow. My life is in such a way that I cannot be what he is wanting. (ie walk away from my entire life to be with him)I told him that I can't express the kind of emotion he is wanting from me in such a short time. My belief is that Love is a choice, and not a quick decision either. Friendship needs to build first where trust and a mutual respect can grow. Love isn't some snap, predestined feeling that suddenly arises when you look upon someone. That isn't real. What it is, is loneliness and a need to have someone fill a void. I, personally, don't need someone that completes me or makes me feel whole. I have that already with myself and my beliefs. If I am to be with someone...it is to share and enjoy what already is and to discover maybe something new.
My techy friend once quoted
"...that love may not endure by reason; for where they be soon accorded and hasty, heat soon it cooleth. Right so fareth love nowadays, soon hot soon cold: this is no stability..." (Thomas Malory)
How true that is...and so not something I want or feel is healthy for either party involved. Real love is enduring.
He told me that I was too busy for him. That he didn't want to be left wondering when I would give to him. Ummm..hello? Isn't it supposed to be giving to each other? In all our conversations, it has been about when I would go to him...when I would move there...when I would submit. And all in about 3 weeks time of meeting him. Sorta... Why would any of this be a consideration in such a minimal amount of time? Beats me and seems all to wacky and forced. Then, I get home from work and receive an e-card saying how much he Loves me. Loves me? I am sorry...it has a sweet connotation but is rather ridiculous. Was it guilt he was trying to put on me? Thinking I would come running back because I am walking away from something so right? All it did was make me wonder about his stability.
So...now I have gone from some guy (C.J.) that thought I had no personal life aside from him (whatever) to a guy that said I had too much personal life other than him. Go figure. I can't win for losing. I am just me...I haven't been any different with either person. There has got to be someone in the middle...it is like an Oreo with no creamy filling. It just ain't right.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
A Random moment
Alrighty then. It is now tomorrow which makes it today. The sun is shining, and it is good. Another Valentine's under the belt and I am glad it is passed. Have I mentioned how much I do not like that day? Well now ya know. The one from last year really, and I mean really sucked...so I decided at that point, I just don't like them anymore. Period. It was the "final straw" - "cake topper" - "bubble bursting" - "piece o'crap" day in a long line of bad ones. I figure...that if someone actually has enough nerve to feel that way for me (in a healthy, honest, non-constricting, breathable way) then I would prefer to hear about it more than just once a year. Thanks...
I read one of my favorite blogs last night...and he likened Yesterday to Passover. Ha! He cracks me up...not to mention he is an awesome writer. Made my night to read such a positive post. I like that...
All in all, it wasn't so bad. Rachel made me some beautiful artwork and a homemade card, we ordered in a heart shaped pepperoni pizza and played video games together...
Sounds like true love to me. ;)
I read one of my favorite blogs last night...and he likened Yesterday to Passover. Ha! He cracks me up...not to mention he is an awesome writer. Made my night to read such a positive post. I like that...
All in all, it wasn't so bad. Rachel made me some beautiful artwork and a homemade card, we ordered in a heart shaped pepperoni pizza and played video games together...
Sounds like true love to me. ;)
Monday, February 14, 2005
Another one down
Now I know why my lips are so puffy. I keep banging them up when I insert my foot.
Letting go of fears is the hardest thing for me. Even more so than acceptance I think.
Today was Monday. And yeah...the "other" day too.
I am looking forward to tomorrow.
Letting go of fears is the hardest thing for me. Even more so than acceptance I think.
Today was Monday. And yeah...the "other" day too.
I am looking forward to tomorrow.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Just a pebble
Ok. Too much. I was sitting here...very early I might add for a Sunday, ruminating over my thoughts and how I was going to put them out here. When suddenly, this rolling thunder comes streaming forth from my daughters bedroom. She is snoring. Only briefly, but it shocked the heck out of me. My little feminine flower... :p
Yesterday, reminded me how to be thankful and so appreciative of what I have. Not only with my daugher, she is amazing and shows me daily how proud I am of her. She got right in there with us yesterday to help with family and not a complaint or whine about any of it. She was happy and enthusiastic. I just gloat with pride in seeing the kind of person she can be and that she understands the importance of being there for someone when they need you. It is a quality so many people lack with all the self importance they carry around.
I saw my brother-in-law work hard to help regardless of any flack he received because of a possible accident he may have caused. But ya know, had the event not happened, there may have been other consequences far greater down the road. Had the pipe not broken, the exposed wires on the water heater may have been found by one of the children and the shock would have been much more for them to withstand versus their mother. There are reasons for every situation and event. And sometimes it is hard to see at the moment why there is reason to be thankful for what seems to be so difficult and full of effort. All is good and everyone is fine. And now the home is that much safer for their arrival.
I had intended to write something a bit more deep and philosophical. Something that has been going around in my head without an outlet for a time now. But it is funny how something as simple as a snore...can send your mind in a completely different direction. There is reason for everything and for that, I can be patient.
Yesterday, reminded me how to be thankful and so appreciative of what I have. Not only with my daugher, she is amazing and shows me daily how proud I am of her. She got right in there with us yesterday to help with family and not a complaint or whine about any of it. She was happy and enthusiastic. I just gloat with pride in seeing the kind of person she can be and that she understands the importance of being there for someone when they need you. It is a quality so many people lack with all the self importance they carry around.
I saw my brother-in-law work hard to help regardless of any flack he received because of a possible accident he may have caused. But ya know, had the event not happened, there may have been other consequences far greater down the road. Had the pipe not broken, the exposed wires on the water heater may have been found by one of the children and the shock would have been much more for them to withstand versus their mother. There are reasons for every situation and event. And sometimes it is hard to see at the moment why there is reason to be thankful for what seems to be so difficult and full of effort. All is good and everyone is fine. And now the home is that much safer for their arrival.
I had intended to write something a bit more deep and philosophical. Something that has been going around in my head without an outlet for a time now. But it is funny how something as simple as a snore...can send your mind in a completely different direction. There is reason for everything and for that, I can be patient.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
If Only...
My Daily OM
Distinctive Beauty
Embracing Your Physical Individuality
The mirror can be a friend and the mirror can be a foe. Few people are willing to accept that their physical individuality is something amazing rather than something to be ashamed of. But like the individual beauty of a single flower placed in a bouquet, each of us, no matter what we look like, contributes to the beauty of humanity and enhances the world.
Though society often emphasizes physical conformity, regardless of what your height or weight may be, you have legs that carry you, arms that hug, lips with which to kiss, and eyes that express a range of emotions. Your body is your perfect home and the ultimate expression of your inner beauty, and is naturally and individual as your personality. You may see your body as a collection of flaws, but more often than not, it is the so-called flaw that provides the counterpoint that creates a vision of beauty. The old adage is true: If we all looked alike, then much of the appeal of the visual world would be lost. For a variety of reasons, mainstream culture asks us to view our physical selves negatively and with a strict eye toward improvement. But in confronting assumptions about our bodies as well as how those assumptions were shaped over time, it becomes possible to accept that true beauty is more than a shape, a size, a color, or a standard. It is when we stop comparing ourselves to others that we can recognize the true miracle which is the beauty of each and every human body as a whole, without reverting to any erroneous ideal.
The briefest glance through a crowd reveals a wondrous variety of real people. William Shakespeare wrote: “The boughs of no two trees ever have the same arrangement. Nature always produces individuals.” The physical presence of each person on earth fills a unique void and adds a complexity that would be lacking were we all copies spilled from a single mold. With this in mind, take another look in the mirror and make the effort to love what you see.
Distinctive Beauty
Embracing Your Physical Individuality
The mirror can be a friend and the mirror can be a foe. Few people are willing to accept that their physical individuality is something amazing rather than something to be ashamed of. But like the individual beauty of a single flower placed in a bouquet, each of us, no matter what we look like, contributes to the beauty of humanity and enhances the world.
Though society often emphasizes physical conformity, regardless of what your height or weight may be, you have legs that carry you, arms that hug, lips with which to kiss, and eyes that express a range of emotions. Your body is your perfect home and the ultimate expression of your inner beauty, and is naturally and individual as your personality. You may see your body as a collection of flaws, but more often than not, it is the so-called flaw that provides the counterpoint that creates a vision of beauty. The old adage is true: If we all looked alike, then much of the appeal of the visual world would be lost. For a variety of reasons, mainstream culture asks us to view our physical selves negatively and with a strict eye toward improvement. But in confronting assumptions about our bodies as well as how those assumptions were shaped over time, it becomes possible to accept that true beauty is more than a shape, a size, a color, or a standard. It is when we stop comparing ourselves to others that we can recognize the true miracle which is the beauty of each and every human body as a whole, without reverting to any erroneous ideal.
The briefest glance through a crowd reveals a wondrous variety of real people. William Shakespeare wrote: “The boughs of no two trees ever have the same arrangement. Nature always produces individuals.” The physical presence of each person on earth fills a unique void and adds a complexity that would be lacking were we all copies spilled from a single mold. With this in mind, take another look in the mirror and make the effort to love what you see.
Friday, February 11, 2005
The corner behind
It is Friday. And I am absolutely screaming inside with excitment. Yeehaw! It is an amazing day outside today too...which only makes it that much better.
I had this friend...ya know techy guy? Anyway, we would always start out our emails each day describing what we saw on the way to work. The sky, the clouds and how it made us feel. He was a "flatlander" and I live in a really high elevation surrounded by volcanos. So our landscapes were very different, but beautiful on both ends, to say the least. By doing this with him, not only did he spark my creativity (I just love it when someone does that to me) but he kept me realizing what each and every day has to offer. I miss him and the way he influenced the way I felt about myself and life in general. People like him are a rarity indeed.
So...
Today is good. As each day has it's benefits. Sometimes, only seen in retrospect.
I talked a bit more with this "come on strong" guy. He was much...Much better yesterday. I was actually able to carry a conversation with him that didn't go on about how wonderful it was going to be for us in the future. Instead...we told funny stories about the past, what we liked about it and didn't and lessons learned from them. I really enjoyed it and saw maybe something geniune about him. He even put his cowboy hat on for me! WooHoo! Yum... Ahemm...Anyway...It just felt easy and relaxed. I like that.
Life is so hard...I will take the easy where I can get it.
I had this friend...ya know techy guy? Anyway, we would always start out our emails each day describing what we saw on the way to work. The sky, the clouds and how it made us feel. He was a "flatlander" and I live in a really high elevation surrounded by volcanos. So our landscapes were very different, but beautiful on both ends, to say the least. By doing this with him, not only did he spark my creativity (I just love it when someone does that to me) but he kept me realizing what each and every day has to offer. I miss him and the way he influenced the way I felt about myself and life in general. People like him are a rarity indeed.
So...
Today is good. As each day has it's benefits. Sometimes, only seen in retrospect.
I talked a bit more with this "come on strong" guy. He was much...Much better yesterday. I was actually able to carry a conversation with him that didn't go on about how wonderful it was going to be for us in the future. Instead...we told funny stories about the past, what we liked about it and didn't and lessons learned from them. I really enjoyed it and saw maybe something geniune about him. He even put his cowboy hat on for me! WooHoo! Yum... Ahemm...Anyway...It just felt easy and relaxed. I like that.
Life is so hard...I will take the easy where I can get it.
Love is the most difficult and dangerous form of Courage. Courage, is the most desperate, admirable and noble kind of Love.
~Delmore Schwartz
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Truth is Truth...
...No matter how you spin it, color it, mold it or cover it up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It never ceases to amaze me...at the blatent lies some people dish out. And then ya know, when you call them on it...they still try to deny it. You are standing there...with proof in hand, and yet again "It wasn't me." Well...your character is up for review, eh? Or perhaps it is, that you don't have any character at all? Yeah...that is what I thought.
And as someone once told me - Better to know sooner than later that someone is a complete loser. Yes. I couldn't agree more. However, it is never fun when what you suspect all along, is what is. For once...I would like to be wrong about someone.
I don't want these types of people in my life. It is almost as if they have some strange stench to me. It is one of those odors that you can't quite make out at first. "Hmmmm" you think. "What is that smell?" You know there is something linguering but you can't quite put your finger on it (eeww) or locate the origination. But as sure as you have a nose, it is there. Waiting to be discovered and intoxicating your life.
I keep some disinfectant and a scrubby handy these days...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It never ceases to amaze me...at the blatent lies some people dish out. And then ya know, when you call them on it...they still try to deny it. You are standing there...with proof in hand, and yet again "It wasn't me." Well...your character is up for review, eh? Or perhaps it is, that you don't have any character at all? Yeah...that is what I thought.
And as someone once told me - Better to know sooner than later that someone is a complete loser. Yes. I couldn't agree more. However, it is never fun when what you suspect all along, is what is. For once...I would like to be wrong about someone.
I don't want these types of people in my life. It is almost as if they have some strange stench to me. It is one of those odors that you can't quite make out at first. "Hmmmm" you think. "What is that smell?" You know there is something linguering but you can't quite put your finger on it (eeww) or locate the origination. But as sure as you have a nose, it is there. Waiting to be discovered and intoxicating your life.
I keep some disinfectant and a scrubby handy these days...
Two Steps, a Hop and a Jump
I am thinking about buying stock in a pantyhose company. Yes. I would make a great deal of money on just my own purchases alone. Maybe even break even.
I have some blogs that I go and visit everyday. Some, are for pure entertainment and are extremely creative. Some, are a morbid curiousity. And some...are people from the past that I try to forget but yet find myself drawn to, anyway.
A peeve? People that drive and talk on their cell phones. You can always tell which ones they are. Swerving, driving too slow, or just not paying attention to the road. I always find it particularly entertaining when they stop in the middle of the road cause they are trying to get directions. A clue? There are others trying to get somewhere too...and they actually know where it is they want to go...
I was chewed out by 4 of my clients yesterday. Why? you may ask? (or not I don't really care) Cause they don't know how to manage their own money. Yes...this is MY fault.
I still don't know what to do about the guy that thinks I am going to marry him. I, once again, told him I don't want that right now and need to go really Slow. Ummm I don't think I got my point across. He went on about understanding and then asked me if I wanted a hot tub off our master bedroom. Complete severance is needed.
And so you may wonder...where is the positive in my world today?
Right around the corner...
I have some blogs that I go and visit everyday. Some, are for pure entertainment and are extremely creative. Some, are a morbid curiousity. And some...are people from the past that I try to forget but yet find myself drawn to, anyway.
A peeve? People that drive and talk on their cell phones. You can always tell which ones they are. Swerving, driving too slow, or just not paying attention to the road. I always find it particularly entertaining when they stop in the middle of the road cause they are trying to get directions. A clue? There are others trying to get somewhere too...and they actually know where it is they want to go...
I was chewed out by 4 of my clients yesterday. Why? you may ask? (or not I don't really care) Cause they don't know how to manage their own money. Yes...this is MY fault.
I still don't know what to do about the guy that thinks I am going to marry him. I, once again, told him I don't want that right now and need to go really Slow. Ummm I don't think I got my point across. He went on about understanding and then asked me if I wanted a hot tub off our master bedroom. Complete severance is needed.
And so you may wonder...where is the positive in my world today?
Right around the corner...
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Regularly Scheduled Programming
I am now to the point of deciding which route to take. I need to back off...break free of this grip someone has on me. I feel smothered, controlled, and it has only been a couple of weeks. My life is now planned out by this person. I am moving don't ya know...selling my home, buying one with him and having a baby. I am serious. This is exactly what he has said to me the last few days. Apparently...I am "the one" and he wants to know if he "Has" me. How can he possibly know that after only knowing me...what...like 14 days or something? You don't Know anyone in that amount of time. This is what pressure is. It wasn't self imposed..he is putting it on me to conform to what his expectations are of me. Not to mention he is using those cutesie pet names. Ugh. Please don't inflict that on me. I don't mind...Honey..Baby...that is ok, when a relationship is to that point. But Angel? Babydoll? No No...Michelle will do nicely, thanks.
I have tried to explain the concept of going slow. Letting things develop naturally and not force anything. Let's just be what it is as it moves along. His response? "I already know what it is going to be with "us" and I know you feel the same. I am just short of saying those 3 little words Michelle." Ummm I do and you are? How can he possibly know how I feel when I don't even know myself? Whatever...
Do I live in some sort of reverse magnetic field? Why do I find myself entwined with such extremes? Either I am with some guy that can't see anything beyond his own flipping nose...or I am with some guy that has me tied to his side for the rest of my life without my consent.
Ugh. I just keep thinking Hawaii. Hawaii...Hawaii.
I have tried to explain the concept of going slow. Letting things develop naturally and not force anything. Let's just be what it is as it moves along. His response? "I already know what it is going to be with "us" and I know you feel the same. I am just short of saying those 3 little words Michelle." Ummm I do and you are? How can he possibly know how I feel when I don't even know myself? Whatever...
Do I live in some sort of reverse magnetic field? Why do I find myself entwined with such extremes? Either I am with some guy that can't see anything beyond his own flipping nose...or I am with some guy that has me tied to his side for the rest of my life without my consent.
Ugh. I just keep thinking Hawaii. Hawaii...Hawaii.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Lollipops
Not much in the way of words tonight. I am still thinking through some things, all the while glancing back at my running shoes that sit by the door.
But here...I thought you might enjoy this. ;)
My Most Favorite Blog EVER!
Lord help me...it's Viggo...
But here...I thought you might enjoy this. ;)
My Most Favorite Blog EVER!
Lord help me...it's Viggo...
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Revolving doors
Ha! I crack myself up. Maybe you don't get my reason for posting this...perhaps you do ;). Whichever the case...I see it as a premonition. Ha!
Anyway, I am feeling much better. I have come back from The Land of the Lost (I loved that show) and my Sleestak demeanor. Well, maybe not that bad. Perhaps just the hybernation part of it. In any case, I did write this really long post yesterday, only to have my computer decide to pass some gas and thus expel my writing. Nice huh? I just love it when that happens.
I had written about some quotes I had read and how they really seemed to hit home... One such quote...
You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
-Eric Hoffer
How true. And so much insight from just this one statement. People don't always do unto to you, as they would like done unto themselves. In fact, quite the opposite. A, "Get them before they get me" mentality. But how sad is that, really?
I am finding myself in a similar, or almost exact, situation that I was in last year. Betwixt two extremes. Frozen with fear and not sure which way to run, if I should run at all. I feel like I am repeating the same lesson and if I choose the same answer I may just find myself here again next year. Or it may be, that this is my last chance to get it right. They say, to not risk, is to not truly live...
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We're afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.
-Guillaume Apollinaire
Friday, February 04, 2005
Nyquil induced
Home. I have been home today. I couldn't make it in, which will mean I need to go in this weekend. I have too much to finish up and things that have been left dangling. It plays havoc with my mind at what I need to accomplish and this cold is my brick wall. Climbing over has been a challenge.
A friend of mine stopped by today. I looked horrible and apologized profusly. But the knocking on my door woke me from a dead sleep at 3pm. Yes...3pm. I had only woken up this morning to call in to work and take my daughter to school. Otherwise, I was comatose. I am thankful that she is staying over at her best friends tonight, and I can just do nothing. Be alone, write, read, chat or sleep. Whatever my chosing. Right now I am thinking a really hot...hot shower is good. At least the outside of me won't feel so disgusting. The inside...is another story.
I was able to read a bit online. And see the new stuff they found on Saturn. I am no expert but I find it all rather fascinating.
Saturn's Hot Spot
A friend of mine stopped by today. I looked horrible and apologized profusly. But the knocking on my door woke me from a dead sleep at 3pm. Yes...3pm. I had only woken up this morning to call in to work and take my daughter to school. Otherwise, I was comatose. I am thankful that she is staying over at her best friends tonight, and I can just do nothing. Be alone, write, read, chat or sleep. Whatever my chosing. Right now I am thinking a really hot...hot shower is good. At least the outside of me won't feel so disgusting. The inside...is another story.
I was able to read a bit online. And see the new stuff they found on Saturn. I am no expert but I find it all rather fascinating.
Saturn's Hot Spot
Thursday, February 03, 2005
It is so worth it!
Is she amazing or what?? This is my most favorite picture of Rachel Anne...ever. It isn't the best quality, as I had to scan it in versus a nice digital...but back then, digital cameras were still something a bit furturistic...well, to me. Anyway, this was taken in 1998 when she was just 4. And I mean just 4, so she still looks 3 to me. We were on Catalina Island off the coast of California. We spent about 4 days there, just hanging out and relaxing. It was nice. And really needed since my husband had just taken off. As in....gone, not coming back. It was a good thing...really. Moving on...
We were out in the morning for a walk and came across a nice grassy play area in the middle of the boardwalk. She went to go running off and met up with another little girl just about her age. They frolicked and played. I just stood and watched my darling little girl smile and enjoy herself. She looked over at me at one point, took off running up to me, and looked up at me with the sweetest smile. "snap" got the pic! She said "I Love You Mommy!" and spun around to watch her skirt billow up in the speed.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Mmmm Cheese...
The cold is getting old. I have been sick for 5 days straight. It is over. Done...I don't want it anymore. It can go away. Buh-Bye...
My best friend called me at work this morning.
Me: Blah Blah Blah (and so the song goes) This is Michelle...
Deb: You got a nose hole plugged don't ya?
Me: Yep. *sniff*
Deb: Sucks doesn't it?
Me: Yep *sniff* *cough cough* Kerchooo!!...ugh. Hold on...I gotta blow.
We talked about some other things...but I honestly don't remember. The day was a blurr for the most part. I really...really came close to not going in. But, alas, I drug my snotty, fevered butt to the office, anyway. I even made it on time...go figure. I don't like going to work when I am sick, not because I feel terrible, but mostly because I don't want to spread my nasty germs to anyone else. I know I don't like it, when I am standing next to someone or checking out somewhere, and they are sneezing all over my space. Yuck. Keep your virus infected droplets and spit spray away from me. Go home already, call your mother and have some soup. I, however, dosed myself up on a handful of vitamins and was good to go...
I am also one of those people, that has to look into and read whatever I can find when afflicted with something. Or, really anything that strikes my curiousity. I think they call it an Information Junkie. Common Cold ...I told ya. I don't retain much of what I read, well, until someone asks me or has the same thing and then suddenly I am a self professed expert. On the upside of the whole "tissue that feels like sandpaper" issue, when I go to put some saave on my burning and swollen lips, they look like they have the perfect shape and color. There are pluses in every situation.
Aside from that, I have been keeping a pretty happy attitude. Really... I suppose it doesn't seem so with that, that just came before. But I have. Really. I may have looked a wreck with my chapped nose and blood shot eyes....but there was a smile on my face for sure.
I even went to lunch with a friend of mine today. (Yes...in complete contradiction to my "spreading my disease" thing) We hit this place in the Old Mill District, which is nice and quiet at lunch, in the middle of the week. Otherwise...you can't get in. The food was good...but I swear, if I have another pine nut in my lifetime...it would be way too soon. And "Why oh Why" would anyone put a pine nut in a chicken salad sandwich anyway? Boggles my mind. Give me Mom's chicken salad anyday... The lunch was fun though. Really. I swear.
I keep feeling the need to convince you that my attitude is a good despite the way my words sound. Apparently my left brain is in a fight with the right and frankly...I think it is going to be a draw. The meds are kicking in. And I didn't even take any yet.
Really...
My best friend called me at work this morning.
Me: Blah Blah Blah (and so the song goes) This is Michelle...
Deb: You got a nose hole plugged don't ya?
Me: Yep. *sniff*
Deb: Sucks doesn't it?
Me: Yep *sniff* *cough cough* Kerchooo!!...ugh. Hold on...I gotta blow.
We talked about some other things...but I honestly don't remember. The day was a blurr for the most part. I really...really came close to not going in. But, alas, I drug my snotty, fevered butt to the office, anyway. I even made it on time...go figure. I don't like going to work when I am sick, not because I feel terrible, but mostly because I don't want to spread my nasty germs to anyone else. I know I don't like it, when I am standing next to someone or checking out somewhere, and they are sneezing all over my space. Yuck. Keep your virus infected droplets and spit spray away from me. Go home already, call your mother and have some soup. I, however, dosed myself up on a handful of vitamins and was good to go...
I am also one of those people, that has to look into and read whatever I can find when afflicted with something. Or, really anything that strikes my curiousity. I think they call it an Information Junkie. Common Cold ...I told ya. I don't retain much of what I read, well, until someone asks me or has the same thing and then suddenly I am a self professed expert. On the upside of the whole "tissue that feels like sandpaper" issue, when I go to put some saave on my burning and swollen lips, they look like they have the perfect shape and color. There are pluses in every situation.
Aside from that, I have been keeping a pretty happy attitude. Really... I suppose it doesn't seem so with that, that just came before. But I have. Really. I may have looked a wreck with my chapped nose and blood shot eyes....but there was a smile on my face for sure.
I even went to lunch with a friend of mine today. (Yes...in complete contradiction to my "spreading my disease" thing) We hit this place in the Old Mill District, which is nice and quiet at lunch, in the middle of the week. Otherwise...you can't get in. The food was good...but I swear, if I have another pine nut in my lifetime...it would be way too soon. And "Why oh Why" would anyone put a pine nut in a chicken salad sandwich anyway? Boggles my mind. Give me Mom's chicken salad anyday... The lunch was fun though. Really. I swear.
I keep feeling the need to convince you that my attitude is a good despite the way my words sound. Apparently my left brain is in a fight with the right and frankly...I think it is going to be a draw. The meds are kicking in. And I didn't even take any yet.
Really...
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Ooo Franky baby
So? Did you notice?? Huh? Huh?
Yes, I decided to do something different. Let's just say it is my way of changing things up a bit.
You know what I mean...don't you ladies? There are times when stuff gets to be just the same 'ol thing and you just want something a lil different. Something to make you feel new, together...exciting.
There are a barrage of things that we do to make us feel in the "now". Or, what we think is "now" cause it is completely out of our character to go there. You know...
I think it works for me right now. I don't really know and it may need to grow on me a bit. Change is a good thing. I am mastering it, as my life would show the past few years. Re-invention, is my middle name. :p
So, tell me...Does this page make me look fat?
Yes, I decided to do something different. Let's just say it is my way of changing things up a bit.
You know what I mean...don't you ladies? There are times when stuff gets to be just the same 'ol thing and you just want something a lil different. Something to make you feel new, together...exciting.
There are a barrage of things that we do to make us feel in the "now". Or, what we think is "now" cause it is completely out of our character to go there. You know...
- New Hair Style (That you think will make you look like the model in the magazine, like That could happen.)
- New shade of lipstick (Hot pink went out in the eighties, ladies)
- Some Red Stilletos (Oh wait..I would like those)
- Parachute pants (Do they really think they can "come back"?)
I think it works for me right now. I don't really know and it may need to grow on me a bit. Change is a good thing. I am mastering it, as my life would show the past few years. Re-invention, is my middle name. :p
So, tell me...Does this page make me look fat?
Cup o'Joe
Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there
the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing
him again.
- Unknown
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships.
- Sharon Stone
(Gosh..ya think my clients might notice if I started rolling on the floor laughing my ass off? Hmm maybe.)
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it
back together.
- Unknown
(Ok that one isn't very funny...but it is definitly true.)
Speaking of clients...I have some interesting ones. I can't really go into detail, which kind of sucks, because, well, it is against the law for me too. But I have to say, I get a kick everytime they come in here.
Joe. Have I mentioned Joe? I think so. Joe is cool. Joe is the guy at the store I see almost everyday. Today...our conversation went something like this...
Joe: Hey there, Princess...
Me: *sarcastic laughter* Princess?? I think you meant to say Queen Joe
Joe: Oh...I don't think you want to be Queen.
Me: Hmm ya know...your right.
Joe: See..if you are a Princess, then you can get away with a whole lot more. *wink*
Me: Yes, but I still would have to live up to expectations of royalty.
And then I would get that whole Princess reputation of being spoiled and such.
Joe: Ok...well what would you say then?
Me: Well, what do you call the one that cleans bathrooms? A Wench?
Joe: That would be a Scullery Maid, the Wench would be like a bar maid.
Me: I don't do bars Joe...
Joe: Hey, I am just trying to help you out.
Me: Yes, Joe, I can always count on you...
I like Joe.
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