Sqeezin' the Charmin

It has been a crappy day. So bad, that I am sure the load that has been laid on me today would clog the largest of commodes.

My car needs breaks. I drop it off early in the AM so they have time to analyze the situation and make repairs. They Assure me they can have it done today. 3PM rolls around and they are just getting to my vehicle. And guess what? They can't repair it today cause that means they would have to drive across town to get the parts and it is just too late in the day. I have to bring my vehicle back tomorrow. And, they want to charge me an exorbitant amount of money to replace everything...when it only needs one part. They can't just replace the one part I need, no, they feel that I need everything done just to be sure. Well, I am sure that I won't be having service done There... Thanks to my Mom for calling my Dad and helping me out of this situation. I don't know what I would do without them. Most likely be out of pocket yet another 180 bucks.

I called this morning to pay my electric bill cause I was late. In fact, I was so late that I found out they had shut me off this morning. Great. Paid my bill and some extra to get it reconnected. It is my own fault, but sucks just the same.

As I was fuming about the call from the auto repair place, I received a phone call from my daughter's day care center. My daughter was missing. MISSING! You have no idea the incredulous and horrific thoughts that went through my mind. They had been searching for her for 15 minutes when they called me. 20 minutes later...they found her. Supposedly they had no record of her checking in this morning, even though I watched her do it. Interesting eh? They had searched the entire building they said, searched the grounds around the buidling they said, and called various field trip attendants to check to see if she was with them they said, turned out she was sitting in the rec room watching TV the entire time. And no one noticed her? No one saw her sitting there? No one called out to her? Way to make Michelle need some Valium (sp?). I called the regional office to express my frustration and got the cell number of the Regional director. I called her. She already knew who I was. That's good, cause I really didn't think I wanted to explain the situation again. She apologized and told me that they aare having a district meeting tomorrow night to discuss and come to resolution on this very issue. They are calling it the Rachel (insert last name here) Act.

I had about 5 clients yell at me today, if not yelling then speaking loudly if you will. The negativity was overwhelming.

In my drama induced exhaustion, I decide to order pizza for dinner. Easy right? An hour and a half later, it arrives. And it isn't even the pizza I ordered. Someone in Bend, Oregon likes pizza with some nasty stuff on it. I chased the pizza delivery girl down the street and gave it back in exchange for my money.

We are now headed out to pick up something else. Help me Lord make it through this night.

Tastes like candy...

Thanks to a certain blogger's recent post about Summer goodness, I was irrisistably drawn to the produce section in the grocery tonight. Dang me...it all looked so good. Too bad Tech can't come over for dinner, it's gonna be a goodun'. ;)

Rachel said "I will just have the Cantaloupe."

"The Whole Cantaloupe?" Said me.

"Yes...The Whole Cantaloupe." She grinned.

I bought two.

All Points Bulletin

MISSING:

Black strappy heel with hot pink floral in-step. It's life long partner is in great despair over it's missing significant other. Not to mention, she has many friends (Ten to be exact) morning this great loss.

If you have any information leading to the whereabouts of said heel, please notify the Ten friends via email.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

SPS Retakes

The picture from Sunday was...ya know...just horrible. Not that this one is any better. I mean I could have, at least, brushed my hair...or waited for the huge ZIT on my nose to heal...Ah well...it is me. Like it or not.

On the List

Feet flyin', girls laughin' and ice cream scoopin'. It was great fun I must say. I jumped right in with the girls to dance and sing... Although, it kept crossing my mind that I was the really weird mother that doesn't want to grow up. I didn't care...hopefully neither did they. Besides, I was really nice when they did the Can-Can through the grocery...so they'd better be more than accomodating to my own goofy antics. Not to mention, I had to clear out the Entire contents of my purse in order to sneak all the candy into the movies. :P

My daughter asked me "Why do we give presents to people on Birthdays?" I said.."umm..well..The three wise men brought Jesus presents when he was born!?!" (Suddenly the shouting of "Good Answer! Good Answer!" to the likes of Family Feud went roaring through my head) She said "Oh Yeah...OK"

SP Sunday

This is Actually the best I could muster...Yeesh. Talk about "Au Natural" Eh?


*Picture removed by the Blog Administrator* (You should thank me...)

I just want some

Fresh Air

It's my Party

I tried posting earlier today. But everything I typed, wasn't very nice. I was frustrated. Work is irritating. Noggin is irritating. And, I am really trying to be nice.

I haven't written much lately. Simply because, I am not feeling so hot. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I keep thinking a Dr. visit may be in order, but I really hate shelling out money for them to tell me they can't find anything wrong. "It is just stress." Well...no kidding. You think I don't know I have stress in my life? You think I don't know how tired I am? I know I have a blessed life. I tell it and witness it all the time. But damn, it doesn't mean that I don't get a little fed up and I will cry if I want to. :P

My daughter knew that someone stopped by the other night to talk. She told me after he left, that she doesn't want me to date anyone. I asked her why. She just said she doesn't want me to. Well...great. Mom will just work and take care of the house and you. That will be all the fun she deserves, apparently.

Ugh...she is so pretty.


Angels love her...as do I.


I love it how, something as simple as a bottle of bubble juice, can tickle children so. It was fun watching them blow, spin and pop them.



I am not sure about this picture. The sun was shining bright, and as I tried to focus in on this one bubble, this is what I got. Something about the reflective light and the darkness surrounding it, gets me.

Happy Birthday Turtle!

Three Down

Apparently, my family likes to procreate during the Fall and Winter months. It's cold outside, don't ya know? ;)

A lot of time is spent with family and friends during the Summer months. Twelve Birthdays hit during this time. Five, this month alone. I am not complaining, I love the time shared with everyone. But dang me! Summer is the perfect reason to be found, ummm...a little less covered and sweaty, too. Share the love year 'round people!

28 hours

Either your plate is virtually empty or it is overflowing...

Why can't "stuff" happen at a normal pace? My stomach hates it when I do this...ugh.

Ninth Hole

Low Profile Head: An iron or wood head that is shorter from topline to soleline than typical.

or

Shallow Face: Any wood or iron having a face height shorter than normal.

I am idealistic. I always have been and my life has been a constant lesson that ideals aren't truths. I don't have much to say about my daughter's fathers visit. I didn't say much to him. (if you can't say something nice...) Sure, he got his digs on me, I'd recant in my usual sarcastic way but hold my tongue for fear of spilling forth all the nasty things I have ever wanted to say. Rachel was there, and i didnt' want it to be a day where she was worried about how I was feeling. (See, Rachel is one of those nurturing, protective type of people. But I want her to be honest about her feelings without worrying what it would do to me, to the detriment of her own "self") I just wanted her to have some fun with her dad.

I wanted to say so much yesterday. I wanted to go on about how he has no idea, no clue, no sense of value in what it means to be a father. That waltzing in once a year and handing a child a wad of cash does NOT constitute fatherhood. How about spending some time, other than a couple hours a year, with your child and really get to know her? Just because he determined her sex with a wave of his wand (a short one at that) doesn't give him full rights to say she is his child. He doesn't know what it is raise a child through all the tears, joys and permanently impressed moments of youth. He saw a picture of her on my computer desktop and asked "Oh how old was she there?" I said "She had just turned four, it was taken on our trip to Catalina Island right after you left." Don't get me wrong, our lives have been much better than I think they would have been if he stayed around. We have been blessed in countless ways. And, my daughter has amazing examples of what father's can be, through my Dad and Brothers.

Sole Weighted Iron: An iron head with the majority of its weight concentrated near the sole of the club, producing a lower center of gravity.

I was a Daddy's Girl growing up. My adoptive Father was a good man. I do have some reservations about how he enabled my adoptive Mother's ravings, but I do believe he did what he thought was best for the whole. He was a strong man, tried to do what was right in his old world style. Even though he seemed hard to some, he was soft inside. He used to call me his "little helper". I would follow him everywhere, wanting to help him in some way or just be by his side to watch. I was his girl, he'd say. From pretty fluffy dresses and pig tails, to the baby dolls I thought were real. When he passed, I was 22, I couldn't bring myself to say good-bye. I only told him before his surgery "I will see you in a bit. And remember, you have to dance with me at the Christmas party." We always danced together at his companies Christmas parties. Always.

Rescue: A name given to any number of clubs that combine features of a wood and an iron. "Rescue" is also the trademarked name of this type of club from TaylorMade that began the trend. See also "Hybrid."

The past twelve years, I would say, have been my real raising. I have learned the most, experienced the most and have been given awesome example, the most. My birth Mother's husband has been nothing but a Father to me. He exemplifies that you don't have to contribute to the making of a child to think of them and love them as one. I don't think of him as a "step-dad", I never have. He always accepted me as one of his own. Even after so many years, I am still in awe of the kind of person he is. He is strength, hard work, love, conviction, Faith, hope, encouragment, humor (in his odd cover your ears and go "la la la la la" way) and honesty, rolled into one individual. He can say that Hard stuff, that you don't want to hear but know you have to to get it, and still maintain an unconditional love. When he is raked over the coals, he stands true to his beliefs and responds with a heart for God. I am so thankful, and really lucky, to have him for a Dad. I hope you like the Golf Ball's. :P

SP Sunday

13

She is growing so fast.

I was sitting on the floor in her room, she, tucked in her bed for the night. I talked to her about her dad coming tomorrow. She said she is sort of excited, but not really. I understand her apprehension. Although, tomorrow will be filled with smiles, on her part, gifts and complete endulgence, there is the knowing that it has been a long time since the last time, and will most likely be a long time till the next.

Then she said, "Did you know that 'Twelve plus one' spells 'Eleven plus two'? All the same letters are there and it has the same value."

"Yep.." I said "It sure does, baby. Sweet dreams..."

8 months later

Father's day is this weekend, my daughter's 11th Birthday is next Wednesday, so guess who is coming to visit? Yes..the Sperm Donor. I really do hate using that term, but it is much better than saying the $%!#&@ is coming over. And, Sperm Donor has such a giving conotation to it, really. It just doesn't fit.

I only know he is coming because his boss told me so. He has forgotten her birthday in the past, so each year I give him a reminder call. I do it for her, I can't stand the hurt I see in her, so I try to make it not, a little. His cell phone was disconnected, again. His work had changed it's name and it took a little research on my part. I swear I should be a detective. I called his work and his boss answered. When she found out who I was, she offered up all kinds of info. I told her the only reason for my call was because it was Rachel's birthday. She said he was coming out this weekend, he had asked for time off. Right. I told her I didn't know about it, he hasn't called. I hung up, Two minutes, no less, he called. Of course, he used the excuse that my home phone is always busy. Which I can't really argue with since, when I am home, it is. But, I have an answering machine, he could leave a message. He, obviously, knows my work number, he could have called me there.

I am not one for excuses.

Rachel is excited to see him. It has been since November, last year, that he has taken the time. If he lived thousands of miles, or just hundreds, I could understand. But he lives 125 miles away. A two hour drive.

About once or twice a year, you will see this kind of post from me. I can't understand it. It frustrates me. It disappoints me.

I am excited for her birthday though. Sort of. I keep thinking back over the last 11 years, all that happened, all the change and growing. Sheesh. What the next 11 will bring, I have no clue. Better things, I hope.

She'll melt

As I sit here with my cottage cheese and pineapples, I get to chuckle at Noggin', literally, driving across the parking lot to get a bagel cause she doesn't want to get wet. About a dozen parking spaces lie between our office and the grocery, and she Drives over to a closer spot. I can't help but laugh. A lot.

It's like that

So, do you like me like me or just like me? Cause I was thinking that I didn't like you like you. Or, even, like you like "that". Cause if I liked you like "that" then it could be preceived as like like-ing you and I am not sure I do. Course, if you like me like me, then maybe I should rethink the like-ing you like "that"? And when you say you like me like me, do two likes equal a love? I don't think so. It takes way more than two likes to get to a love. Don't ya think? If someone like you like's you then I think they are worthy of reconsideration.

Right, I am alone tonight and I needed to get that out. This blog is like my lover. I suspect that if I ever find someone that I want to spend more time with than my computer, it will suffer. The computer...not the lover. Or, um, friend. :P

The intern resigned his resignation. He walked in today and said "I am back...(with a linguering sing songy voice going on)" "Great!" I said "They talked you into sticking it out huh?" Then he went into the umpteen reasons why he was justified to give up. No worries, he needed no defense with me. I am glad he is giving it another go...

I should be in the Shower

Take the Which Character Am I? Quiz




Ok that isn't entirely true. I like geeks...it is sort of like the whole Librarian stereotype. :p

So there!

The intern resigned today. I was rather surprised but yet, not. Hard to explain without having to go into details about the business itself.

At what point does someone decide that they just can not see doing something they committed to? Each time I have committed myself to completing something, anything, from marriage to a simple favor, I give it my all until it is done or the other person pulled the plug. The Baby with the bathwater, so to speak. I am sitting here trying to come up with something of importance that I just walked away from. Really thinking...

I understand the maturity of looking at a project or position and knowing that you can not offer up what needs to be. I understand looking at the long term goal and questioning whether or not you have what it takes to achieve such a goal. It is good to think things through. To stand back and analyze every possible out-come, question or problem. But is it ok to make that definite decision, only to back out when it gets down to the wire, after much effort has been given, to say that "It just isn't a good fit." ? It doesn't sit well with me. I understand his position on leaving. But I think his reasons should have been considered before he went this far. Just my personal opinion there.

Anyway, one of my clients asked me today if I get tired of dealing with some of the things I do and that I must get frustrated having to spend so much time on "problems". (I would like to go into what I did for her and the awesome way I quoted Oregon State Code, House Bills passed in 2004 and that it was against the law to do what they were doing to my client, to the person I dealt with on her behalf, but that would be crossing the line of Client privacy. Drives me nuts. :P) I did answer her question about my getting weary of the issues. I said "Yes, I sometimes do. But even though my business carries a certain amount of negative stigma, helping people that otherwise could not, for various reasons, is very rewarding and far outweighs any time I may have lost dealing with the issue at hand, or hearing the labels of those that will not/can not see the value in what I do."

On Guard

My daughter went to war today. Or, at least, to look at her, you'd think so. A battered leg from bicycling, attacked by a cat (slightly exaggerated :P), some odd rash on the inside of her arms (agent orange) and a sunburn that is making me think "Medic!". Good, sweet Lord bless my baby through this night. I gave her a cool bath with baking soda (thanks Mom for the advice), slathered her down with Aloe, doctored her owies and laid her down with a cool towel on her back. I kissed her cheek and she said "Ow."

First day of summer vaca.

Sheesh.

I have this party I was invited to this Saturday. My friends 40th. Big 'ol bash I am sure, knowing them. Thing is...I am the "single friend". She said she really wants me there. She has been sprucing up her yard, huge back yard with hot tub too, painting inside, flooring and spent about 500 smackers on flowers this last weekend alone. I am thinking it is sort of a house warming as well, since they just closed and it is officially theirs. But, again, I am the labeled token, single friend. I am the one she is always trying to "fix up", the one they question about why I am still single 'cause I am such a catch (whatever) and the one her husband said he would marry should she die. (Nice huh? I always loved being someone's second, consolation prize. I know I shouldn't look at it that way and perhaps even be flattered (I somewhat am. And can you have parenthesis within parenthesis?), but it still flashes in my mind.) At any rate, I am not sure if I can go. Not because of prior obligations, like I would have any, but because of that nervous thing. I can see me now, sitting on the couch in the back room, glass of wine, some music and wondering how I can excuse myself out of there, without making a fuss. I suppose I could bring a date, but the only one I can think of, has a testosterone level off the charts. And, he would most likely be expecting...ya know...something, later. Just the kind of guy he is. Besides, if I ask him then he would want to know why and I would have to explain that I just don't want to go alone and then he would go into, yet again, how I need to go do stuff "alone". How it is good for me...etc. If it is so good for me, then why does it feel so...not. I like being home...alone...if that is the case.

I know, I am straying from whatever the intended topic was 'cause I have put way to much thought into outcomes and preconceived results, again.

I still don't know if I am going.

Neat Stuff

I look forward to this each year. It only lasts for about 15 minutes, but still an awesome sight, however brief.

Balloons Over Bend is a fun event. It runs through the entire weekend with take offs beginning at 6:30am. Getting my daughter up, at that time, is an event unto itself, so we go for the Nite Glow on Saturday. Although, the Balloons here are magnificent, I wish they had displayed some of the more colorful ones.

Not only are the Balloons themselves amazing, but the rigging and efforts of the pilots are, as well.

I still don't think you could EVER get me in one. I do believe it would feel awesome to float through the air, and witness the view. It isn't the height that bothers me, but the idea of falling. Really far. Yeesh. I will stick to admiring them from the ground. Thank you very much... :P

These pictures don't really do them justice. But, perhaps you get the idea.

25...36...25...36...

I went to my cousin Tammy's babyshower last Sunday. I won a prize. It was some Aveeno Lotion and 2 bars of glicerin soap. Someone, and I can't remember who, said "Maybe they are trying to tell you something." Haha. Apparently I stink and am a bit ashy. It would explain my lack of a date as of late, other than more obvious reasons.

In my efforts of trying to look more attractive lately, sorta, I have come to the realization that I am going to start walking around with my arms up over my head. It would seem to take a couple "things" back to their original state. Perky and passing the pencil test with flying colors. Or, at least, with a firm (excuse the pun) 6 on the score cards as I walk by.

Something smells

I seem to burst out in sarcastic laughter when I hear people talk about how they are big fish in small ponds. Or small fish in a big pond. "Ooo don't let the shark get me!" The truth is that they don't think they are small fish at all. They are still big fish, in their own mind, and it is just that they aren't getting the recognition they so fervently feel they deserve, in the ocean. Really, they stay in the small pond, or what they think is small, so that they can feel the grandness that so embodies their ego. They like the small pond. They can then feed on those perceived small fish for a snack. Spitting out the bones, swimming with their mouth agape, letting what may wonder by get sucked in to their false given sense of security.

Naivete is the guppy's downfall.

Circle of life? Perhaps... Maybe we are all just waiting for our turn to be dipped in tartar sauce.

I got another present at work today. From the intern. You'd think it was my birthday or something.

It was a bottle of Sauvingnon-Merlot or Cabernet-Merlot. I don't exactly remember.

A means to an end

So, I did this favor for someone a couple weeks back, that went awry. It was innocent enough. I am a public notary. I notarized a document for them. Pretty simple eh?

But, about a week after the document had been inked, I got a phone call. Some woman in California berading me for not stamping my stamp hard enough. Ummm...ok. I am sorry. I guess my bite isn't as bad as my bark. Er...something like that. Anyway, she has been harassing me for a letter of acknowledgment certifying that I had done this. Sheesh. I sent the letter. But she hasn't received it yet and called today with such an attitude, that I think if I was standing in front of her, she would have attacked me physically. Seriously. I was like..."Wow...do you really do business this way?" I penned her another letter and left it for the person I had done the favor for, to begin with, to pick up. I figured it would be faster and at least part of the involved parties would be witness to my coming through.

This person, left me a gift. It was very sweet but not necessary. I certainly don't blame her for this persons hormonal imbalance or whatever her problem is. She left me a little coffee cup filled with cookies and candy. The inscription on the cup said...

Dear God, When it rains, are you sad?

God knows exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. It's because God knows there's a right time for everything, and that some things are sweeter when they're slow in coming.

Funny how He gets messages to you...huh?

A Part

It is done. I stood in her classroom today, on my lunch break, as they counted down the seconds. The whole school in unison. 10, 9, 8, 7... The screams of school being out and summer beginning was deafening. It was fun to see the excitment of the kids. Those going on vacation, those going camping as soon as their mom or dad picked them up and those just happy to be able to go fuss around down by the river fishingall day or just doing nothing at all.

Have a good Summer Girls!

Easy Peasy

Ya know, sometimes, it is easier to live like you never knew someone. That way, it doesn't mean anything when you see them.

At least, it works for me.

Eight legs

I planted a little bug in my friends ear, yesterday, that I am hoping will nest. It is a way to resolve the situation that gets them in a better one and me out of it completely. She didn't like it at first, but I did get her thinking it could be done. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I can't stay with this situation much longer. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I have my share of fair weather friends. The ones that only want to talk when all is well and you have nothing but encouraging words. But when you need some encouraging yourself, they don't have time or actually say to call them when I am feeling better. It is ok for them to lean on me, but when I start to sway, I'd better find a stick or a strong building to hold me up.

Anyway, I am glad I have my journal.

Saw it, I did

Welp, it was Star Wars alright. If it wasn't for R2D2, they'd all be dead.

I found myself quite entertained through the movie. Not because of the movie itself, really. I laughed everytime I heard my daughter yawn, who was sitting behind us 'cause ya know, she and Lindsay can't be seen with the "grownups" (I use that term loosely). And, I seemed to peeve Bob a bit. Bob is very serious about his Star Wars. He even leaned over, past Christine, at one point, and said what serious stuff it was. Yes Bob. I am sorry Bob. I offered him some popcorn, but it was too late. He waved me off.

Christine and I continued to comment on stuff, quietly of course, and she gave me the oddest look when I said Anakin was cute. Ok...Ok...I admit I am a bit off on this one. But it made me laugh. He actually reminds me of someone. Pretends to be so good, and really thinks he can be, but to look in his eyes, you can just see the evil nasties dancing through the field of daisies. Bob threatened to separate us if we didn't knock it off. He still didn't want any popcorn.

The movie was good. I am glad I got to see what made Vadar the hunk of demonic plastic that he is. Poor guy, he is a victim of his weakness and the choice he made to the easy way out of his fears. And then, there is Yoda. My favorite, he is. He got his bad self on with Darth Serious (or whatever). He didn't win, but he made a good stand. I am proud of him.

Right, so that about sums it up. Christine said I had good hair. That my mom got it just right. I said "Yeah, my mom rocks."

Untying the robe

Star Wars. I am finally going to go see it. I know...I know...it has been out a while and I am just getting around to it. I was invited, I said yes...so here I go. I am hoping that Anakin provides me with some nice little dreams tonight. :P Yumm...

Two Peas

They have said they were going to get married since they were 2. It changes a bit over the years. Now, they say they are going to date different people first and then get married. To each other. They may go a couple months without seeing each other. (Brandon lives about 40 miles east of here.) But when they get together it is as if time has stood still, and they hop right back into that pod.

Quit slapping me already

I kid you not. I found out today that my boss is going to Hawaii. Next week. For the whole week. Really. Not a joke. I only found out today. He didn't want to tell me what he was doing but he knows I won't let up until he spits it out. I am glad they are getting away. His wife has delt with some serious stuff this year and she is more than deserving. I hope they have a great time. Really.

But, excuse me, if I am a tad bit Jealous. I will be here, holding down the fort, again, while someone else is enjoying my dream. Ugh.

I have also realized, why certain people are friends. I don't mean for myself, I am talking others from my past. I see why they mesh so well. Both self serving, all about me and what I want, screw everyone else cause they just aren't as important as I am, type people. More power to them....the jerks. Frankly, I think they look like idiots.

Desperate Measures

Isn't this the face of a girl that needs to go to Hawaii? I ask you. Look at the circles, the bags and for Heaven's Sake! The grey hairs....Yes, Hawaii. Or just a really nice beach. :P

And yet another...

At what point, is friendship not really a friendship but merely someone taking advantage? Is it wrong that you have helped someone out, to the point of your own detriment, only for them to come back and say what an inconvenience it all is for them? I am referring to yet another conversation from this past weekend. A conversation that has gotten me thinking seriously about whether or not I should continue this or just take back what was done and move away from it all. It is this "thing" that now hangs over the relationship.

The whole agreement was only supposed to be temporary until they could manage it on their own. But that time never came. They have the perception that they are helping me out. But it has done nothing but cost me. Cost me my good credit standing, cost me money and given me a few grey hairs to boot. If I remember right, and I am certain that I do, they confronted me about it and asked if they could take on this "burden". (of course at the time it wasn't a burden but something better for them) I asked for nothing in return except commitment to see it through. And now, I hear hints of wanting it to go away, and how difficult it is. Difficult? I know how difficult It is. Believe me. How funny it is, however, that when they did the same thing for me, a few years back, I remained faithful and took care of my commitment, no questions or complaints. Of course then, they were "helping me out" but yet now that I am doing it for them, it is still them "helping me out".

I don't get it. And I am disappointed that it is the way that it is.

Apparently, I have some sort of Karmic payback hovering over me. How else to explain the temperature of my life lately. Although, I don't know what payback there might be. I try to live good, make good choices and try my hardest at whatever I do. How else can you live without regret? I don't believe in regret. The worst of events shape who we are, hopefully in a better way than what came before. And, there is reason to be thankful however difficult it is to see at the time. I really am trying to see what there is to be thankful for, in this situation. But it is proving difficult. To say the least...

AOL = Big pain in the...

I am home today. It feels so odd to be home during the week, without my daughter chattering, hearing the neighbors lawnmower or the street kids running about. Such silence. Well, except for the dishwasher, heater and dryer humming along at the same time. Why am I home? Because my left leg is swollen up like a tree stump.

I have had two surgeries over the past four years on my knee. Torn miniscus and all the yucky stuff that goes along with it. The surgeries helped, but it has never been the same and I don't think it will be. Dr. said, that if he found me in his office again, he would be doing a full blown reconstruction instead of the Orthroscopy. I don't want surgery again. Period. I know, I am stubborn. If I need surgery then I should have it done. But, not only is the cost of said surgery something I cannot do, but it also my issues with needing help, I guess. I have a sometimes in the way attitude of "I can do it all myself." (Which, occaisionally, finds me in a worse situation because I do need help...) Anyway, it has been bothering me, for a while, so I am home to baby it a bit. Once it feels better, then I can get back into being more active to keep me from going under the knife. I hope.

Right now, I just want my ankles back and to actually see the little bones in my feet when I wiggle my toes.

I spent about two and half hours on the phone, yesterday, with the AOL company. And I do mean the whole company. I spoke with Tech Support, On line help, In store technical and billing, I ended up somewhere in India at one point who then transferred me to new registrations and then finally, Cancellations. I was frustrated and at my wits end regarding an issue that has been going on since October of last year. I had it. I said ya know what? Just transfer me to your cancellation department. Maybe that IS something you can do for me. Ya think? The guy in cancellations was the most intelligent person I had spoken to during my trek around their offices. I think they save them for that particular department, because they have much more finesse and knowledge of the inner workings of AOL. He helped me with several issues, except for the one I had originally called about. He provided me an email address to send my request to, again, and let me just say, it was the most scathing, demanding email I have sent in a long time. I haven't heard back. I am not surprised. Perhaps, in a week or so I will get some prefab email reply stating that they are looking into my issue.

The issue? A purchase I had made back in October of a couple obscure CD's. They charged my credit card for the purchase, but never sent me the item. It even shows on the purchase history that it was never shipped. Their terms of service clearly states that they will not charge for items purchased until they are shipped. I was charged, it never shipped and I want my money back. Seems rather simple to me, but yet I have been going round and round with them on this for 9 months. They requested that I provide them with the details of the transaction, I did. Everything, down to the date and time I made the order. Then, get this, the girl asked me if I kept the original packaging and could tell her where the item came from. Hello? Does she not Get that I didn't receive the item? She said that she couldn't help me unless I could provide that info. Arg! Please tell me that you are located somewhere here in Oregon so that I may drive over and slap you myself. Customer service consists of Listening to the actual problem before consulting your cheat sheet of fix-its.

I don't know that this will get resolved. My chances are looking pretty slim. I wish I could charge interest on the money they have taken from me. I surely would have enough for that trip to the coast, I so desperately want.

Right, so now that I have ranted and gotten that out of my system, I am going to go elevate my leg like I told my boss I was going to do today.

Have a great Monday...

Another down

I, sort of, took a break. Not in the way my picture below would suggest. Actually, sleep was elusive this weekend, as it has been. But, rather, from my thoughts. I had typed some posts, deleted them, played with a few blog templates, changed color schemes, deleted them and so it went. I took lots of pictures this weekend, most of the kids; my daughter, her friend Brandon (whom she has been friends with since diaper days) and her best friend Lindsay. They, took pictures of me (yeesh). Most of which showed off the nice dark circles under my eyes. No amount of editing in my photo programs could get rid of them, so...sharing...I am not. :P

I found out on Friday, that my adopted Mom in California is not going to be making the trip to visit. Perhaps later in the year, but not as planned. Apparently, they (my sister and mother) had known they weren't coming for a couple weeks but forgot to let me know. I guess it explains why they wouldn't return my calls. I guess. I called my Mom in California on Saturday, after speaking with my sister on Friday, and we talked for about an hour and a half. She even asked me how I was. We talked about her Dr. appointments, her current health, the weather and what my brother and sister were up to. We talked about many other things a bit more sensitive, but all in all, it was good.

There was a lot in the past couple days. A lot of conversations, words and comments that really got to me. Some good...some not. I really am not sure how to fit it into this space, or really just how to put the words, themselves, in order. Perhaps, I am just tired.

Sweet dreams.

SP Sunday

Best Friends Forever

The snooze button is an evil thing. I find myself inexplicably drawn to hitting it just one more time, thinking all the while that those Nine minutes of quiet will afford me some kind of power nap. I will feel refreshed and ready to start my day. But no. I only feel disappointed that the Nine minutes only seemed like Ninety seconds. I hit the button again. Twenty Seven minutes later, I am rushing.

This morning, however, I discovered something slightly more demonic. Yes, it would be the "Best Friend that woke at 3:30am and has been dying to call you since" alarm. She knows your alarm goes off at 6am and waits until that very moment to dial. She then asks why I am so quiet. Ummm...gee...cause I am not used to having to be social so flipping early in the morning? Hmmph. I didn't answer her first call. But thats ok, cause the apparent snooze button on the phone only lasts for about 2 minutes. And the ringing starts all over again. "Good Morning Sunshine!" she says. "Mmmmph." I say. And so my day begins.

Happy Friday!

And so...

I am having a much better "hair" day today. It is all a matter of perception afterall.

Isn't it?

I am thinking of revamping my page again. I am needing something different. Something to break up the monotony of my life. I get so tired of the day to day, sometimes. It begins to bring me down, obviously. I will see so much good for others, and I rejoice in that. I really do. But it makes me take a closer look at myself. I start questioning Why? Am I not doing enough to make my life better? Am I making excuses? Am I taking for granted all that I do have? Mostly, I think the everyday can be rather sublime. The tiniest, most insignificant of the mundane, can be wondrous.

Back to change, I go through this every once in a while. Usually, I rearrange the furniture, buy new pillows for my sofa, a bright colored sweater or change my hair (albeit ever so slightly). Well, I got the pillows already, the sweater and got a great new haircut. The furniture, can only be done in a certain way in my tiny home. So, the page is my guinea, again. :)

The sun is shining, big puffy clouds break up the glow of the blue, and dang me if I am not going to let the fog get in the way today.

Think about it

Conversations with Rachel

(7:30am, standing in my bathroom, fussing with my hair)

Her: "Can I use your blow dryer?"

Me: "Sure." under my breath I say "I hate my hair today."

Her: "Mom, it's not bad...It is just different, in a unique way."

It took me a minute to absorb what she said. And then I smiled.