'Bout To Come Alive

I don't wanna talk about Noggin', or "Lunch Date Guy" or work or home or money or politics or loneliness. I just feel like being. Would rather there be someone with me to enjoy, just being, but ya know..I am good company.

My first Train CD was a bootleg copy from this Guy, Darren, I worked with at the advertising agency. I mentioned I liked them and he made me a copy. He said he used to work with them before they became mainstream. I have been in love with this band ever since. I would say they rank up there with my ultimate favorites. There hasn't been a song that disappointed, or that I would rather skip past. When I listen to their music, I breathe it in, feel it and let it carry me away. I find myself going back to these little silver disks whenever I am feeling, I dunno...not lonely...just the needing of feeling good.

I am still waiting for the day to see them in concert. Talk about surreal.

Your Every Color - Train

I can see the red, white and free in you
You light the night up like the moon
And underneath your clouds, I see the blue

You're hopeless 'cause you tell the truth
The stars are jealous of your shine
If you were mine
There's not a thing I wouldn't do

You're black and beautiful, yellow, tan
You're white as light and soft as sand
With greens and greys and oh for days
A silver lining on the way you cover everyone
Just like a morning sun
You turn me into someone I would rather be

OOO- I love your every color
OOO- I love your everything
You wear the day around you
Like it's yours to stay around you
Maybe I could stay around you too
If that's alright with you

You're coffee brown and bubble gum pink
And oh I think the shade of you is on the brink
Of changing all the ways I see the world
I could drown inside a single drop
Of all the kinds of things you got
And all the kinds of things I'm not

Might just give me a chance to see
From way up where you are
Above the silent stars
Just dancing in the sky

You're better than any rainbow
You're brighter than the sun
You look like my first day of summer
When my spring is on the run
You're gold and more gold
And you're platinum too
With snow toned, copper attitude
I don't know what I'd do without you
I don't know what I'll do about you

A bit

It is Friday...YEAH! Please oh please let this day move swiftly and easily.

My power was out yesterday for 7 hours. Some, underground issue according to the power company. My refridge never cycled back on, and so, I will be grocery shopping for an entire box of food this weekend. I did manage to get it working again last night. I flipped the breakers inside and out, no go, then I nudged this thing from it's spot between my counters to get a look at the back, no go and then I wacked it with the side of my fist. And WALA! It is working, just a little too late to save it's contents. It sucks but it is ok.

My week has been interesting. But I keep gong back to read Tech's post about taking things for granted, and the little things happening really don't mean much. It is just stuff.

A Tid'

Few thoughts tonight. Mainly, something my Mom had said today about letting something from the past, define who I am. An incident from a long time ago isn't who you are, but a piece. Part of the cumulative whole that makes who you are now. And, she pointed out that a piece of advice I had given to someone else, is really something I need to take to heart. Funny how the messages we need to hear, are given.

I don't think that I let it "define" me...but I do let it hinder my actions. And that is giving it power. It can be just as damaging..and I need to take it back.



BTW~
Rachel is now going to be in a local TV spot for the Boys and Girls Club. She is excited. It should be fun...

Damage done...

See? Do you see it? That is my neck and that is the hickey burn i did to myself this morning. (the lip is doing good, it now looks like my top lip has been injected with a bit of collegen (sp?) and it is having some sort of allergic reaction. But it is better)

Now, of course, a hickey of this magnitude would have been much more fun and I wouldn't be putting it here on display. No really, I wouldn't. I may have talked about what a great time I had or something and how Mr. Note from God in his right hand, was my dream come true. But it is not. And, what about the shape of this thing? I mean if it was some result of heavy petting (lol) you got to know that this guy is talented. Dang me. Next, I would be expecting to see his named suction tattooed on my mid section. Yikes...

Today, was a day. It began with physical injury and topped out this afternoon with emotional. A little run in with my ex husband. I haven't spoken with him in 3 years. I still haven't, but did end up talking with his girlfriend, or fiance or wife for all I know. I didn't ask. I didn't want to know. But after all the drama and the issue was cleared up reagrding a joint account we had together, she was very sweet. She told me that "I can see in his eyes how sorry he is for what he did to you and your daughter when he talks about you." It was an odd moment. I wasn't sure what to say or what to think. I hadn't thought on it for quite some time. But it was nice of her to acknowledge me in that way.

Anyway, tomorrow is Wednesday.

Wednesday, will be a good day. I hope yours is too.

Conversations with Rachel

Her: "What happened to your lip Mom?"

Me: "I cut it."

Her: "How did you do that?"

Me: "With the razor, in the shower this morning."

Her: "You shave your lips?"

Me: *blank stare*

I had no comment on her last question. I merely explained that I was shaving my legs and was getting soap in my eyes. I reached up to wipe it away and the razor grazed against my top lip.

And yet another...

Her: "Mom, now what happened to your neck?"

Me: "I burned it."

Her: "How did you do that?"

Me: "With the curling iron just now. I lost my grip."

Her: "It looks like one of those 'hicky' things that icky girls do."

Me: *blank stare*

It has been a rough morning.

White Horses

Sometimes my head is a thick forest full of underbrush. So, as I sit here with my mind wandering in every direction, I listen to my Train CD.

I went through my mail. Can't say as it was anything interesting...bills don't ya know. Tomorrow, I will go to work in my attempt to maintain.

Work. I have been with my company for 4 years now. It wasn't the direction I ever thought my life was going to take. But things aren't always what we "think" they are going to be. Will I stay here till I retire? Will I be able to retire? Will I ever have the resources, desire, time and nerve to start my own office like so many say I should do? Perhaps this marketing thing I am working on will actually take off and become something profitable...who knows. I think it can. But I feel like an important element is missing. I want to give my daughter opportunities that I didn't have. I don't want her to hear the words from her boss "Some are just more fortunate than others." like I did. As if to say, I am not. I am still not sure how to make any of it come to fruition. I feel like I have the type of salary that is meant to supplement rather than be the main source.

Emotions. I haven't written creatively in over a year and a half. A poem here...one over there, but that is it. I get letters asking for a new submission. I toss them out. I lost something back then. Maybe it was the situation I was dealing with that caused me so much grief. My camera brings me relief these days. I can say something without finding the right word. Somehow, just the putting it here, the fact that I haven't written, makes me want to. A little.

Desire. I went and saw CJ last week. It was his birthday today and I took him a card. But my intent was more selfish than anything. I wanted the opportunity to look him in the eye and tell him how I felt. No chat, online, where he could run. I told him that I was wrong. That no matter how many times I had said that I didn't want a relationship, I was wrong. The truth is that I do. One that is equally monogomous, honest, caring, nurturing and supportive. That a healthy relationship is two people coming together as individuals. Maintaining that individuality while simultaneously able to come together and appreciating being one. (Ideally with that emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical connection) I told him that I once wanted that with him but that I realized he doesn't understand the concept of "relationship". At least not one that is different from that of a 14 year olds thinking. I know I didn't have to go to see him to believe it. It was like some sort of proclaimation to myself. When you have to face someone and tell them some sort of confession, it makes it real. For me it does, and I wanted to be sure he knew where I was coming from. He tends to have this all knowing way of thinking. The type of person that tells you how you feel versus listening to how you truly do. Anyway, I told him I was sorry for him, in that, he didn't understand the value. He argued with me, and then admitted that he had thought sometimes, that he did want some of the same as I had mentioned. (Not with me but in general.) He also talked about the little brown haired girl I caught him with and the bunch of others that are just, ya know, friends. But, then he told about how he was trying to reach a girl he saw online in a personals ad and wasn't sure how to get a hold of her. Heh. Some will never get it.
I may have to deal with those lonely moments a bit more often, instead of seeing him every now and again. But it is much more rewarding to be true to myself.

Friends. Real life and real time. Close to home or far away. The world seems so small when you talk with someone at a distance that connects to you in some way. Until you wish they were closer...and then the world is so large. You can't meet them for lunch on Wednesday, catch a movie on Friday, or walk through the park on Sunday. There is no seeing that flash in their eye when you confide a secret or share a laugh. But it is just as valuable. Just...different. A new kind of lonely.

Fear. I didn't go the BendFilm festival this year. It was this weekend. I was told I could volunteer and work with a friend at Midtown. I thought that I would...but couldn't bring myself to do it. He understands why I hope. Sorry "Jake". The possible run in with someone was more than I wanted to think on or do. I am disappointed in myself that I felt strongly enough to avoid something I love. And there were certianly some independent films I really wanted to see. I am sure it was awesome. But, time moves on, as do others, and next year is another. Who knows where I will be then...

Hope.

Sticks to your ribs..

The bacon is sizzling, biscuits baking and the gravy thickening. My coffee is hot and needed since I laid in bed watching "Flip This House" till 2am. Interesting program of purchasing properties and fixing them up for resale. Turn around time is approximately 2 weeks. It took place in South Carolina. All over South Carolina actually. Which made me think of something.

Yesterday, I talked on the phone with a blogger friend of mine. In fact, I don't feel right just calling her a "Blogger" friend. She is more like an old friend you hadn't spoken to in years. I had never done that before and it was great. She was a joy and a treasure. And, I love her accent. :P Thanks Melissa...

This, being the first weekend of Autumn, has been a chilly one. The days warm up but I find myself wanting more warmth at night. I love my comforter. Anyway, I made the first batch of Potato Cheese soup last night for dinner with fresh baked bread and this morning, Biscuits n'Gravy. The girls, have now woofed down about a pound of bacon on their own. Rachel's best friend Lindsay said, that she had never seen me cook so much before. Huh. I used to cook all the time and really enjoyed it. But when it is just the two of us....something easy and quick makes due. I miss having someone to satisfy. I am more domestic than I care to admit...

***In case you haven't...click the My Daily OM link in the right column. An interesting article that might prove a bit valuable ;). I, myself, find them to be priceless at times...And it is incredibly interesting how they seem to correlate with what I am thinking or going through at the time. Intuitive illumination...

Enjoy this beautiful Sunday!

Take a load off...

First..I would to ask that a prayer be said for Noggin'. She is from Lake Charles, LA. Moved here about a year and half ago. Most of her family is there and while they did evacuate, it is still their home. I sincerely hope all is well and they come through this storm with minimal catastrophe. She was quite distraught yesterday, and while I don't necessarily agree with how she went about gaining support, I do feel for her worry and sadness.

And while you are there and really most important to my heart, (and I know we all have our own issues and there are people out there that need it right now) say something for my mom (birthmom) if you can. She is an amazing woman and has been having some difficulties with her health. She has been given the run around by Dr.'s and really just needs some answers. I adore this woman, she is my inspiration, my second chance (I need to explain that someday) and this solid rock in my life that I am not sure how I made it without. Well, I was pretty screwed up there for a while and I honestly am not sure where I would be or how I would be, had I not met her some 12 years ago. (and since you will most likely read this mom, I am not sucking up...I just love you and you can never have to much prayer and people rooting for you), I have never (and I don't use such permanent words lightly) known anyone that understood my thoughts as much as she. She knows what my heart feels and how it feels, she knows the questions and the longings that I think about, she knows the difficulties and worries that I face. She has been there and remembers. It is a value I can't explain.

So, while I sit here with my coffee (yum) and watching FoxNews go on about how money is going to be used for reconstruction in the recently affected areas of the storm (instead of reporting what the destruction is and who needs help. Burns my guts I tell ya, I could care about how the money will be used, at this point, and who is going to monitor it, Lords knows the people of this glorious nation will come to the aid of these folks if the gvrmt doesn't. Not to say that they shouldn't or won't, I just get tired of hearing them "analyze" it. And now this guy makes a comment, with voice inflection and drama about "the damage done" as if to say who cares. Uh..I am sure the people whose lives were affected care, ya big rating loving, suit wearing pompous... Ugh. What is this guy's name...he is getting on my last nerve. Oh then he say sarcastically "Oh look the levees again What do you know..." I really am taken aback my his style of reporting. Smart ass...)

Excuse my really long "aside" and um...vent. My post was going to be a bit more selfish. What was I doing...oh yes my coffee. Which is now about to the bottom...I was thinking about my cynicism and trust issues. See, i went on this lunch date the other day. I met this guy, Dave, through a single parent group which is pretty much a "personals" group because, let's face it, we are all single. Anyway, he is single but doesn't have any children of his own. He was married to a woman that had 2 children and he was step parent to them for many years, pretty much since their toddlerhood. Anyway, he considered himself a single parent and felt that, at his age (39), he wasn't going to be with a woman that didnt' have children anyway. He has also been in the military for 22 years. Active 11 and reserves for 11.

My trust issues, we went to lunch. It was great, we talked and the time seemed to pass too quickly. He asked if he could call me that night and said he would ring at about 7pm. I told him sure, he could call and he also mentioned that he was helping a friend move. I left the date feeling pretty good. Although, I questioned my move of shaking his hand. Shaking his hand? Why did I do that? It was like saying "hey it was to have had lunch with you and have a nice life." So I thought I screwed up there. I was just trying to be polite and let him know I had a good time without being too...I dunno...touchy or something. I suck at the dating thing and the awkward moment of saying goodbye. Anyway, I made sure to stay offline so he could call. I didn't exactly sit by the phone or something, I busied myself with the myriad of other things I needed to get done. 8pm came around and no phone call. Ok. My immediate thought was that "Why the heck did he say he would call if he couldn't?" He was helping a friend move afterall and I am sure it went longer than expected. And if that was the case then don't tell me you want to call and a time etc... Then, I thought, maybe it was just his way of getting out of that awkward goodbye moment and it was easier to say he would call instead of saying "Well it was nice having lunch, have a nice life."

I analyze too much. I talked to my mom and griped because another guy was seemingly typical. That I didnt' appreciate being told something and then no follow through. It is a huge red flag for me and sometimes I rip it off the flag pole and run with it waving over my head. Sheesh. Granted it was just a first date, just lunch etc. It isn't like he owes me anything. But, I took it for more meaning too soon.

That, was Wednesday. On Thursday my mind was made up that it was just a closed door and I was fine with moving forward. I had a good time at lunch and it was another nice experience I can chalk up to the dating game. I have gotten a bit immune to this stuff. He called that night. I was surprised, really, and didn't expect it. He, first off, apoligized for not calling when he said he would. That, the moving took longer than expected and he didn't feel right calling me so late at night. I said it was ok and that I understood. He then said, it isn't ok because he doesn't like it when he says he is going to do something and then doesn't follow through.

Huh.

An intimate snack of crow soon followed within my ownself and we had another good conversation. He is out of town this weekend but would like to call me next week.

I realized that my thoughts were unfair. I realized how I am so quick to pass some sort of judgement on a man, specifically, because of my own past experience. I think to myself that I am just being careful with my heart. Careful that I don't get hurt, that I don't let myself fall for someone too quickly without measuring all the options. And while I do still believe all that is important and necessary, I think I have gone to the other extreme. I need to balance and let my wall down a little.

At least enough to peek over and see something more than what I have already written on the brick.

2 Peter 3:16

I see stillness, quiet, peace. I feel relaxed when I look at it. I see the strength of being one. Standing tall...strong. I don't hear the ocean, or the wind or the birds. I don't hear the hum or chatter of people overlooking the estuary in the background. It is centered.

You, may look at this picture and see something else. Perhaps you see something that resembles a sword, arrow or knife. Perhaps it evokes bad memories or hurtful feelings that you would rather not had been reminded of. Or, perhaps you see nothing at all. A weed. A wondering of why I would take a picture of some dried up plant growing on the side of a cliff. It is boring or uninteresting, surely I could have used my pixels wiser...

My perception of this photo is my own. It expressed something for me and I chose to share it. Maybe some will see what I do, maybe they will see something completely different. Do I feel responsible for it? To a degree. I took the picture. I posted the picture. I do not, however, feel responsible for how someones views it or is influenced by it. Any action or reaction to it is the sole choice derived from the experiences of that particular person.

I think it is the same for any medium of Art. Be it paint or sculpture, the written or spoken word. Photography, song or dance. What moves me should not be halted because someone else may find it offensive. If that were the case, we all would be sitting around staring at white walls because someone doesn't like blue. Can you imagine what would not be in existence if this were the case? Those things that you belive in, have Faith in, and hold in the highest regard may not even be, because someone didn't like it. It isn't to say that there is not some manner of responsibility in how someone displays their art. But again, that is the choice of the person and their own personal perspective of what a responsible choice is for them and for those that will view it.

I have received emails in the past, from some that didn't like something I had posted. And while I appreciated their passion and their expressed truth, it didn't mean that because they spoke it to me, that I found it to be truth too. They were coming from their own perspective and I understand that, but in return they need to try to understand the why of mine before passing some kind of judgement on the meaning of my words.

Hitchin' a ride

Today is the last day of Summer. And in true fashion, the mornings are colder, the leaves are beginning to trickle down and the pine needles are gearing up for their final dump on my yard. Yesterday, I noticed the seeds separating from the pine cones and they would spiral down to the ground, hoping to make it into a tree sprout next year.

So, with that fluff and splendor said, it also means it is time to darn the pantyhose again. I must say I had forgotten, over the past 5 or 6 months, how much these contraptions make me feel pretty darn good. I mean, the lift and separate alone is enough to make anyone think I had spent the summer at the gym, and actually made some sort of difference. It is awesome. While I am not too excited about making sure I keep the suckers stocked and the expense, I can relish in the fact that I don't have a boyfriend that will see me remove them and go "Oh..." or hug me tight enough to feel them through my clothes and say "Do you wear those all the time?". Nope...I can move forward with the facade that is me. :)

It's great...

Reflections

I am at work, but I keep thinking of all the things we saw this weekend. It was a blur for the most part since we crammed so much into a short period of time. Thankfully, we have cameras to help us remember those really cool moments, beautiful sites, and the wonders of God's creations. Seriously, this world is amazing and if I think on how beautiful this place I live in is, then how glorious is the rest of it? Blows my mind however corny you might think me. I love the outdoors, whether it is in the mountains or the sea. Even the desert has it's own beauty. I think we take for granted the simple, natural miracles we walk by everyday blinded by our own immediate enviroment.

Maybe it was growing up the proverbial concrete jungle that made me have more appreciation for it. I dunno... I do remember sitting on the grass at college, and a citified squirrel (of the friendly sort, tame...not a squirrel wearing chinos and a tie. I can just hear my dad workin' me on that one.) came hopping up to me to beg for food. I thought...wow, a squirrel? here? in the middle of the city? huh.

Anyway, I do wish I was still there but I am glad I am here.

In a Clam Shell...

Getting lost, sleeping well, Planes, Trains, Automobiles, Blimps, Cheese, Ice Cream, Factories, Sun, Sand, Surf, Shells, Sand Dollars, Ocean Floors, exploring, muddy feet, exorbitant amounts of exercise, yummy food, sore legs, laughter, music, Some Pictures are here, more exploring, more laughter and more sleep...

Good Night!

Outta Dodge

Just a quick note to tell you to have a good weekend. A Great one as a matter of fact...

Thank you for your well wishes...I really do love you guys! You make my days and nights so much sweeter. Truly...

Don't Ask

OK...Ok...so I was trying to see if I could see the grey streak on the back of my head. I couldn't see it close up enough in the hand mirror - check out the back of your head move, so I decided to take a picture and blow it up. It didn't really work either, that, or I really did manage to cover it up. I have this streak of grey directly down the front of my head and one on the side towards the back. Just streaks. Not well placed highlight lookin' type greys. No. They are "right there, in your face, look at this big chuck of grey hair you would think I purposely put there" type...grey hairs.

One would think I had too much time on my hands. I don't actually. Today is a prime example, aside from my post. I had a CE class this morning, it is payday - so lunch was spent paying bills, my daughter's Radio thing is right after work and then it is Open House at her school. Not to mention it was picture day and this morning was spent getting her hair "just right".

I am leaving for the coast right after work tomorrow. Sometime between now and then I need to pack. I will figure it out...cause I am so going to go. And, I can't wait. 24 hours and 42 minutes to go...

To the Brim

I am so proud of my daughter. :P YES...again and still. Dang me. She was asked to do a radio spot today for the Boys and Girls Club. John, the Director (in interim. but if you ask me? He should be IT, he is awesome and so hands on with all the kids. He knows what's going on and when. He rocks.) came running out from his office to me today. He asked if she could please do it, it would mean so much. Like I would say no? She is so excited, and so happy when I signed the release. She has been going to the B&G club for a couple of years now. She loves it and had also been assigned as Student Staff this past summer. She plans on working there once she turns 14. (they won't let her officially until then)

I went through some her school work tonight. Surprising how much she has done since starting school a little over a week ago. I had a bunch of papers to fill out and came across a poem she had written in her Humanities class...

I Am From...by Rachel Anne

I am from a loving family, strong, brave and fun
I am from a loving Mom and an un-caring Father
I am from a nice green land in my Mother's soft sweet hands
I am from an inspiring world of family and animals alike
two cats that inspire me with amazing things and thoughts
I come from an exciting place...
and I want to keep it that way.

Ok, the part about the Father made me teary, I must say. It is that crux. The one thing I could not spare her from and keep from realizing. She scored top marks on it. And for an 11 year old...I think it is pretty good. The teacher left it open. Tell people where you are from, not just a city or place geographically, but let them know who you are and what has made you...you. I have to say, I just love who she is.

It's the Middle!

I found my tweezers last night. They have been "missing". Now, I can keep my eyebrows from crawling off to form a caccoon.

I had a weird dream last night. It was one about this other blogger that just purchased a macro lens for her camera. She kept taking close ups of a pimple on my forehead.

Have a great Wednesday.

Thar she blows

Is it just me? Seriously? What ever happened to getting to know someone, sharing some laughs, sharing some moments, sharing something (ya know becoming friends?) until you think that possibly you would like to get to know this person on a one on one intimate basis? Why is everything such a freaking rush? I happen to like the anticipation...the build up...the wondering if he is feeling the same things...what is wrong with that? Why does it have to be "Hey baby...here's my number why don't you call me?" So what am I supposed to do? Rush off to get the phone because "Oh my gosh! There is a guy that gave me his number and I so better call him cause I am that desperate." Um no. Why would I call him? I don't know this person. I know nothing about them. They think they are such a catch that I am going to swoon at the very mention? Heh. I don't think so.

I get a little tired of hearing, from men, of how bad they were treated by other women. What am I supposed to say? I dont' go on about the garbage I went through, to them. I don't rule every conversation with all my baggage. Lord knows I have my share. I got my own stories, I have my own hurts, I have my own bloody sleeves. But I don't give them over to someone I am trying to get to know. And get to know, on some real level. Know what I mean? The level of laughing and sharing of values and beliefs, dreams, hopes, goals, needs and desires.

Don't get me wrong, I know what the anger and sadness feels like. (This happens to be my place to put it. I am not a revenge seeker. I see no value in "getting back" at someone.) And if they need someone to talk to then Hey..I am there. I am good listener but don't make it into some glorified beginnings of a relationship cause it really is one sided. I know what it is to give. I have given. And I will continue to do so, but I am experienced enough and old enough to know, now, that I am worthy of receiving, too. It is about me just as much as it is about them. I happen to know that I am a pretty good catch myself.

*shaking it off*

I think I am done there. On another note...I am going to the beach again this weekend! Ha! Two trips in one summer. I can hardly stand it! This time...Rachel and I are meeting my folks and my youngest sister and her family at Whalen Island. I have never been there, but my Brother and Sis-in-law went and it sounds just awesome. Apparently, the when the tide goes out, you can scan the ocean floor and explore the tide pools. I can not wait. I love the Oregon coast.

Thoughts of randomity (:P)

Pralines N Cream granola sucks. I love pecans and praline but it just didn't taste like that at all. It ruined my Monday. :P Just kidding. Well, about the ruining part anyway.

I am a creature of habit. Not that I am afraid of change, I welcome it for the most part, but I tend to like something a lot and have it a lot until I am downright sick of it. The past few months it has been cottage cheese with pineapples and Vanilla Almond granola. It's yummy. But the grocery was out of it (the granola) and I settled for the other. It just wasn't right and it threw me off.
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Noggin' continues to get under my skin. It's itchy.
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I really need someone to massage my shoulder. The pinched nerve is getting to be more than I can tolerate. As I type this out, my right arm is going numb. Seriously. I have to pause and stretch and try to get the blood flow back through before my typing begins to look like htis adn uyo wuold'nt be abel to read ti. see? Thus, part of my lack of posting of late. Aside from my state of mind which I am slowly trying to remedy. Sucking myself out of the slump of blahs back to an up right standing position of...blahs. At least my posture will be good and standing proud as usual. The proud Blah person that I am.
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I know some don't care for Winter...cold weather and such. In fact, I can't say as I do myself. The cold gets old and the days don't hold enough time (not to mention it is much nicer to get warm when you have someone to get warm with, otherwise, it bites big bologna rolls). But, I do love the way the seasons change. I look forward to it every year. Especially now. Perhaps I romanticize it, like most everything else, but something about the cool days, the golden leaves and the blustery afternoons that make me feel...I dunno....good.
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G'nite...and the sweetest dreams to you.

Middle of the third

Autumn is coming quick this year. Or, at the very least, it is giving us quite the tease. It is my favorite time of year though. Soft, warm sweaters, hot coffee and cocoa and of course, the colors...all the beautiful colors.



My daughter and I went for a drive this afternoon. I was hoping that, although it was raining sporatically here in town, that we might hit some sunshine once we drove up the mountain pass. No such luck...but luckier still? We got to see the first snowfall over Mt Bachelor. It was actually very pretty, freezing butt cold and wet, but pretty. Big and fluffy flakes filled our hair, wet our clothes and tickled our noses.



We walked about a quarter of a mile in and around Todd Lake, and realized that the snow wasn't letting up any time soon. As a matter of fact, is was starting to come down harder. I knew we had to leave, but we couldn't help exploring just a little.



I think we got out of there just in time. Our drive home resembled the dead of Winter. It was a lot of fun though. We may just do it again tomorrow...

Nectarines

I know. I haven't been writing. I haven't been doing much, this last week. I would like to have said and shown the pictures of our really beautiful sunset last night. The pinks and orange hues as backdrop for the silouetted Cascade Mountains, was just..beautiful. But I didn't have the gumption to get my camera and take a pic. I haven't participated in my photo groups, either.

I did write a post on Tuesday, about my daughter's first day of Middle School. She looked wonderful..and had an awesome day. She was giggly and chatty when she came home. I was happy for her... But I didn't post it. Not sure why. For whatever reason I am finding a lot to be unsatisfied with. In terms of my own self that is. Not anyone else. I think I am having a "moment" and it is just lasting for a couple days instead of 10 short minutes in the bathroom. (I am sure there are some women and perhaps, even men, that understand what the bathroom thing means) I am not really sad though. Just..sort of...blah. I got really excited when I found my favorite fruit for sale in the market. A fruit, brought me joy. (Sigh) I think I have given up on hoping for a few things in my life. And maybe that is just making me feel a little empty and maybe taken some of my spark. Make any sense? I am not sure it does to me. :P

Anyway..today is Friday! WooHooo!

It has been an interesting week. Full of many blessings and Angels posing as Parents. ;)

Been 'round

I am still lacking...something. Not sure what my problem is. I had a good weekend, fun BBQ with the Fam on Monday and painted my daughters room Sunday night. Saturday, we went through everything and gave to those that will need it. It was great fun, very productive and some relaxing too.

I look at my life and home, what is sometimes viewed as meager in comparison to some, and really see such abundance. I am fortunate to be holding on to the little that I have. I then think, that if I was in such a situation, as losing my home and "stuff", so long as my family was well and I was holding my daughter safe in my arms, all would be ok.

So, the sweet and kind man with a note from God Himself saying he is the "one" hasn't knocked on my door yet. So, the medicals bills that stare at me on a daily basis haven't magically disappeared yet. So, my boss hasn't had some epiphany about what an amazing and invaluable employee I am. So, my home is little and not exactly upper scale by any means. It is ok. At least I have a job that gives me a way to pay those medical bills (albeit slowly), a home to recoupe from said expenses and a door for that guy to come knocking on one day. (although at this rate I will be about 75 and he will most likely have an allergy to cats seeing as I will have about 20 of them. You know, old lady + Lonely = lots o' cats) I am thankful and being alone isn't always so bad.

It is over there...

Not much in the way of words tonight. I am tired...

Anything I have to say would most likely be found offensive to someone. Not that I care necessarily, but I just don't think it is...necessary. I have always felt that the Truth will be known and the facts will present themselves. Maybe that is naive, I don't know.

Find a way to enjoy your holiday weekend...or even better, find a way to make those who are just trying to make it through the next day, find joy.

Thy Kingdom Come...

Seems rather selfish of me if I should go on about my own current affairs. My days, like so many others, are filled with the flood of information coming in about the South. I have read a lot, looked at a lot of pictures, video, and am not sure what to say on any of it. I am so sorry for those that find themselves struggling with the reality of having to rebuild the life they knew, how ever much...or little. It is rebuilding, nonetheless. The emptiness, desperation and loss is unfathomable.

I think back to when I lived in Los Angeles. The earthquake of '93 where people wandered the streets in the San Fernando Valley not knowing where to go or what to do. Searching for loved ones who had gone to work that morning. Not being able to reach them by phone or by car. I remember looking out over the Valley (I lived in the Glendale Hills just above the epicenter) and wondering if my family was ok, how would I get to them and how long would it take to find them.

The King Riots of '91 where fires were set to the city, homes and lives destroyed in the name of "justice", looters...looted, thieves stole from thieves and children cried on the sidelines of a battle zone. There was no weather related disaster there, only that of human nature. But just as (or close to) destructive and with so much less explanation or, rather, justification.

Even with these experiences (and they are simply my own), that of this destruction in the South, be it Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama or Florida is in no way a comparison I am sure.

We all come together when crisis strikes in other countries, so now it is time to come together for those in our own back yards. If you are like me, and don't have "cash" to give, the Salvation Army is accepting "items". Be it clothing or household, hygenic needs.

Most of all they need Prayer. Just remember to tell Him Thank You, when you do.