Don't put them all in one

I had begun this post, today, about chickens...it began with:

"Finnish Chickens do best on a range. The birds are long-lived, cold-resistant, and lay well for years."

And then finished up with:

"When counting, try not to mix chickens with blessings."
- Unknown

I had a point. But it seemed rather mute. It is hard to let by-gones be by-gones when one of the "gones" is non-responsive. I am sure it is because he doesn't want anything to be read into it. Like he is a nice person and such. What else can there be? Seriously?

I tried to finish up a post I had started on months ago, as well. But to no avail. I just can't without getting all weird and emotional. I need to be able to do it from a more stoic place. I know placing the details and writing it out would help. It just isn't happening in a less than one sided way. It is hard to find reason in anothers actions when they, themselves, couldn't explain.

The intern is back. For about 12 weeks. He is nice, talkative etc. I think he will do well. I have to say, that I enjoy talking to him about his future plans. Exciting starting a new business and all. He wondered why someone like me doesn't have a boyfriend or significant other, whatever you would want to call it. He asked if I got out much etc. I said no. What am I supposed to do? Go hang out at bars? Umm no...not my style. He said "well what about church?" Umm no. Church is for my edification, not to find someone to fill my Saturday nights. I know of women that move from church to church hoping to find "that" guy. It is wrong in my book. And really kind of sad. He said..."Well you must have lots of single friends?" Umm that would be a no there too. They are All married. So he said "What about those internet personals sites." I just about keeled over with laughter. Go take a look at one of them...then go back and visit again in about 6 months. The same ones are still there. I equate them to bar flies. (apologies to anyone who is actually genuine) They are users and abusers just like the guys that can be easily picked up a Frank's Bottomless Bottle Bar. I speak from experience. Humiliating experience. Yes, I tried the online thing. As embarrassing as it is to admit. With scary results. Liars exist there more readily I might add. It is easier to sway someone with your words when you don't have to look them in the eye. I am at a loss with the "dating" thing.

Desperate and lonely do not find their way into my vocabulary. I tell people I am happy alone. I prefer being able to do as I want, when I want. It is a facade I have become accustom to maintaining. I am so strong don't ya know? Am I desperate, not in any way. I would rather be alone than with someone I don't love. But lonely...now there is one a bit tender.