Looking back at you

Sometimes I think I'd cut off my hand to spite my foot. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater...counting chickens before they're hatched...one, two, forget to buckle my shoe and it goes flying off down the cliff while riding my bike in the middle of nowhere looking for a gas station.

I have a hard time believing that someone is really nice. I honestly believe the best of people, which is odd to say after the last statement. I do though, I want to believe that people are truly good at heart and will make a good and honest representation of themselves. But, my mind inevitably goes to the ones that haven't been honest and good. The ones I truly believed were, only to find out that they are actually evil, nasty, deceptive people that even a flea wouldn't be caught dead with. (How's that for harboring anger? ;) And so, I question and analyze every word...every inflection in the tone of their voice and then create my own scenarios of how things will possibly progress. The drama...

Now, what's funny, is that my friends usually call me when they need piece of mind. They may be upset about something whether still yet fictional or something that has actually come to pass, and I am their voice of reason. Go figure. 'Course being on the outside of a situation is much easier to evaluate than when it's your own. At least in my point of view.

This is the point, where I get to the point. I am conversing, relating, getting to know...whatever you want to call it, this guy I mentioned a little while ago. This next weekend is the weekend where we are actually going to go out on a date, versus spending 2 hours on the phone.

I really like this guy, a lot. I just hate the distance thing, been there done that and it didn't turn out too good. But at the same time, I can't put the grievances of a prior relationship as burden on this one. But (again) I am finding myself looking for reasons why it couldn't work out and looking for things that I can question. To the point that I sent him an email expressing those fears. *sigh*

Now usually, when this happens (yeah I've done it before and it turned out that my fears were completely justified) I'd get a really defensive and nasty email back. I was expecting this to be the case this time too. But (yet again) this wasn't the case. Instead, he sent me a text message asking if I was ok. If we needed to talk and his feeling bad that I wasn't myself with all the questions swirling in my head. He said, he understood.

Huh? Wait a minute. He wasn't supposed to be understanding, sweet and when we talked on the phone, his voice completely soothing whatever fear I had manifesting? He was supposed to be a jerk like all the others that felt threatened by my inquisition.

He...calmed me.

I think I like it. And I wish I could stick my hand in that water, shake it 'round a bit and come back with a new reflection. Or maybe he just did that...