Ball 3

FEAR is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage

Mine? Is a fear of falling. Not just physically...but emotionally. It is overcoming me again. It is not so much that I am anxious, but more of a worry of what could happen. Everyone feels it to some degree. It is just when I come into certain situations or feel myself starting to go to a certain place (within, emotionally) I get choked up. I hesitate, side step, fluctuate, withdraw and inevitably make something that could be so easy...difficult. It is nothing outward so much, (although it is hard for me to hide my feelings. It comes out my face and a really bad choice of wording.) I begin with the questions and doubts in my own mind, and from experience, get to a point of indifference. I don't want to feel it again. That "what if it is only this...?", I am side stepping. I also feel it is inevitable and going to happen no matter what I do, because it is all part of life.


DREAD usually adds the idea of intense reluctance to face or meet a person or situation and suggests aversion as well as anxiety

There is that word anxiety again. It isn't anxiety I feel...I would focus more on that word..Aversion. Some call it running...pulling back...plain ol' scared. The thought of being hurt again is almost too much to bare. I don't want to go through my life without experience, either. How could I ever get to the point of good if I don't try and sit idle by?

So what?..Take a chance? Hope? What if it is just fun and games again and what I want is not possible? What if I don't know the difference? What if I let myself go, only to find the other doesn't own a catchers mitt? I had the word and definition of Rebound in my head tonight. I don't want to be someone's second choice again. Or a passing moment on the way to their recovery and "something better" (wow...that one still stings). Left with a hardy "Thank You" and a "I Am Sorry...but..." I am not so dispensable or "User" friendly.

So, see? My questions that blew out my fingertips that should have stayed within the glove. I can't think of a way to type out a heavy sigh...so I am just going to go to bed.