Ibuprofen please

Happy 4th of July! (a couple days ago...sorry)

I hope you had fun, I know I did.

And now, I'm paying for it. Not only are the backs of my knees on fire (sunburn), but my body is yelling at me. I hate, hate, HATE having AS. Especially when my brain is saying Let's Go! But, inevitably my body, the next day, Slaps me down and says "Stupid! What the hell were you thinking!"

I don't regret it, however. I'd do it again. But damn! I hurt. Arthritis knows no holiday.

I'm missing work today. I feel bad about that, but I don't feel bad about spending the funnest time of our summer thus far, with Rachel. I am not going to let this hold me or my daughter down, ever. I never want her to look back and say she missed out because her mom didn't feel good. My disease isn't hers.

Anywho, I think I may be addicted to floating the river. The water, the scenery, the sun and the laughter when your butt hits a rock under the water. Bruises abound. I think we'll go every weekend.

I'll just have to figure out how to make it to work afterwards... :P

I'm with her

Rachel is 15. Fifteen! It blows me away a bit.

This last year has been full of changes. It's odd to go from seeing the obvious physical changes in my daughter, to strictly the emotional and mental ones.

Switching gears is easy in a stick shift, not so much in parenting. I'm proud and freaked out at the same time.

She is still an amazing kid, however. And I couldn't be happier.

Happy Birthday, my baby.

turn and face the strain

My blog! OH...how I've missed you...

I'm a little caught up these days. With the girl having a boyfriend, my senses are on constant alert. She's also becoming a teenager. She is still a cool kid, but the changes? They are a happenin'. I knew they would come, but the problem seems to be in the way I am handling the "letting go a little" part. I've had to pull the Mom Card a few times and I'm getting worried that I'm short a full deck. Work...is, well, work. And my personal life? heh..not so much. It's depressing.

I'm going back to school in the Fall. Right now, I am waiting for my transcript from my old college so that I can meet with an advisor to see where I stand and just how long it will take me to achieve my goal. I'm seeking a Bachelors in Graphic Arts through one of the University campuses here. I'm a little skeered... So long as my Grants come through, I should be OK.

My daughter only has 3 years of high school before she is off to college. My thought, is that I need to have a life outside my child by then. Seriously, I don't really have one now. It's pathetic. My whole focus has been my daughter, which isn't a bad thing, but I can already feel the effects of having to "let go a little". I can't imagine what it will be like when she is off on her own. (I'm screaming inside my head right now. Picture, if you will, Elaine from Seinfeld on the subway)

The only thing my computer is good for these days, is Facebook (it's now my game system of choice...sad) paying my bills and researching ways to pay for college.

I'm incredibly boring...but I've lost 5.4 pounds in the last 2 weeks. So, YEAH! for me.

Yeah! Though I walk...

My daughter had her first date this weekend. I'm not sure how I feel about it. My first thought was NO! No Way! Your not 16, it's not happening, get over it, etc...

Then, I heard a lot of opinions, thoughts and considerations.

Then...I had my own thoughts and considerations.

*sigh*

As much as I want my daughter to stay my baby, all happy and innocent and goofy, I can't stop her from growing up and experiencing...things. I can't deny her being a teenager, having that first puppy love and learning how to function as a responsible person in a relationship. It takes practice. A lot of it...

I stood back, and thought hard about it. I thought about myself at her age, my friends at that time, what was considered the norm (and frankly things weren't much different, they are just in the blatant open these days) and how I could handle that from a parents perspective.

Being a parent is about teaching, right? So, I came to a compromise. I don't want my daughter to be resentful. I don't want her to feel that she needs to hide something from me because she is afraid of my answer or expects something to be a "NO! No Way! Your not 16, it's not happening, get over it." I don't, however, want her to have some kind of free reign and think she can do whatever she wants, however and whenever. If I make her wait till she's 16, will she explode out of the gate, all pent up from waiting and fall flat on her face? I rather there be some foundation from which to grow. Some experience to work with while her mind is still pliable instead of rigid and stoney from full fledged teen-dom.

Compromise is just that, it's a compromise. It's a workable solution to achieve a desired outcome for both parties. I can do that. We, can do that. I have always shown respect for Rachel's thoughts and feelings. I've always wanted her to know that they are important and they make a difference. I think it shows a level of respect which, to me, develops trust. In turn, she has been respectful to me and I think she trusts that I will listen to what she has to say and take it into consideration.

She had her first date with boundries that we both agreed were acceptable. I don't think she would have argued regardless of what I asked for, however. She was just happy that I was considering it.

As it turns out, The Boy is a pretty cool kid. So far.. (I don't let my guard down that easy. Heh)

I'm taking it one step at a time. I'm second guessing myself on each step. I've pretty much done that through my whole parenting experience. I'm learning too.

Happy Mother's Day!