"You anticipate what I would say, though you cannot know how earnestly I say it, how earnestly I feel it, without knowing my secret heart, and the hopes and fears and anxieties with which it has long been laden..."
Charles Dickens
Hmmm. I went to breakfast the other day with a friend. Our conversation took a turn to some history of mine. He asked questions of why and how long. I explained the details and simple facts of note, in an abridged version. I hadn't thought on it for a while and wondered how it would feel to touch those parts of the past. I felt fine...and didn't have much reaction to the reality of it. But his expression was one of, not shock...but maybe, disbelief? He had the same questions and opinions of it as most that know of it, have. Confirmations. Makes me realize that I did see and feel it all right. It wasn't wrong for me to be saddened by it, hurt by it. So much guilt laid inside of me because I thought I had done something wrong. I think there is a part in all of us that feels we aren't good enough. But even so, it is how we move through each day. Being the best we can, regardless of those feelings of imperfection.
I was walking tonight and got to that point of out of body. I was somewhere else again. I love that. Completely taken away with no regard for what my body was doing or feeling. It is completely relaxing, mentally. I found myself, this time, on a plane. Flying to some unknown place. But, it was who I met on this aircraft, that kept me in flight. Seems so real...
2 comments:
ok so who did you meet? on the plane that is
A dear, yet distant, friend. Was nice to ponder the talk and discussion held in person. It was one of those pleasant surprises we sometimes are blessed with.
It all led me to look through some material that focused on fate and destiny, that sort of thing. Which, I really try not to do...now is what is important and what we make of it.
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