Well..it would seem that sleep is going to evade me tonight. Too much anger going on in my head without resolution. Such is the way with men like that. Self serving, condescending explanations don't help. Truth is truth no matter how justifiable one makes it come across within their own mind. If that is what makes him feel so righteous in his actions....then so be it. What goes around comes around...I'll just sit on the bench with my popcorn and watch, if you don't mind. It should prove more entertaining than riding that particular horse anyway. It never did anything for me, nothing at all. I really tried to think of something too. But...nothing. It pretty much consisted of taking care of him, feeding...mostly. Too much work. And way too expensive. My money is best spent elsewhere. (the "I don't have any cash on me" line gets a little old. Yes, he was one of "those" types. I really am a bit surprised he isn't a couch floater. Hummm) Time for a new pet. Speaking of big dirty animals...have I mentioned that my house just isn't big enough for a dog? :p Ha! sorry...had to throw that last jab in...
Right...so enough of that situation..lets move on to something more worth the ticking of this clock...
Matters more important...is that of life. Meaning, my boss is having some serious things happening within his world. With all my difficulties and differences of opinion and morals I have with him...I can't help but worry for him still. Sound stupid? Naive? Maybe. But he and his wife are facing some life altering challenges. The cancer I spoke of before. I can't help but hope the best for them in what they are going through. I worry for their children, how their family is dealing with the emotions inevitably brought into the household, the fears and the doubts. I am hoping they can build something strong with hope and nurturing, support and love. Blessings lie within the darkest of homes and hearts and experiences. Something good always prevails even when it doesn't seem so at the time. (heed, Michelle, Heed)
I think about my daughter if I was faced with such a thing. Complete sadness would overcome me I think. Just the thought of not seeing her drive for the first time...or get married or have a child of her own makes my heart hurt. I can't imagine not being there for her through every moment of her life that I can, that she allows me to be. My boss and his wife have 3 children. I measure the amount of pain I would feel times 3? and it would be unbearable. His wife is experiencing some major grief right now. I have seen it...heard it and wished I could find some word to make it be ok. My heart just really cries for her. The only thing I feel I can do is take care of the office for him so he can give all he has for his family. I will do my best.
My Aunt Anne (pronounced Anna) died of cancer when I was in my teens. She came and stayed with us for a time and I helped to care for her. She was an amazing woman to me. (one of my daughters names, is after her) Growing up, she always had this awesome smile, it gleemed warmth, acceptance and genuine kindness. I felt honest caring from this woman. Something that was very evasive in my youth. The summers I would spend with her, were the best I can remember. She had a beautiful house on hillside above Redondo Beach in California. I just loved it there, with her. We would talk and share, and it just felt like she got me. Even when I would clam up and have a hard time getting my words out about how I really felt.
By the time her disease progressed and she came to be with us, she seemed a shell of who she used to be when you would look at her. It was hard to see and accept. But her smile was still there. I would bring her dinner...and smile, she would. Sit by her side...and smile, she would. No matter how beaten and weak she felt...smile...she would. It taught me something about people and the differences they hold. How some are so worth every moment of your time with them. And how some, just don't get that value at all.
I am running out of words...and the way in which to express what she really gave to me. I am not sure they is a way to describe or really explain that kind of...kindness I guess. Better to experience, anyway.
1 comment:
Nice to see you again...Thank You for the smile you gave with your words.
Your site provided the "just what I needed" gift. I love new discoveries. Music, is my antidote. MichauX - is downloading now. :P
I like your insight and the way you put it so plain. Junk-yard Dog...sounds just perfect. I am all up for learning...fill my brain I say. I just wish some of the lessons weren't so flipping hard to take. It is hard, even when you know the answer. Dang me...
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