Crumbs in my milk

Ever take a water hose...pinch it and watch the pressure build? Only to release it and feel it relax and flow in your hand? I like the feeling of the water finally getting relief. Allowance to move and spill forth.

I finally completely severed this...whatever you want to call it....with the "come on strong" guy. In a round about way, he did it himself. It needed to be done. I sent a response to an email he sent me today, explaining once again how I need to go slow. My life is in such a way that I cannot be what he is wanting. (ie walk away from my entire life to be with him)I told him that I can't express the kind of emotion he is wanting from me in such a short time. My belief is that Love is a choice, and not a quick decision either. Friendship needs to build first where trust and a mutual respect can grow. Love isn't some snap, predestined feeling that suddenly arises when you look upon someone. That isn't real. What it is, is loneliness and a need to have someone fill a void. I, personally, don't need someone that completes me or makes me feel whole. I have that already with myself and my beliefs. If I am to be with someone...it is to share and enjoy what already is and to discover maybe something new.

My techy friend once quoted

"...that love may not endure by reason; for where they be soon accorded and hasty, heat soon it cooleth. Right so fareth love nowadays, soon hot soon cold: this is no stability..." (Thomas Malory)

How true that is...and so not something I want or feel is healthy for either party involved. Real love is enduring.

He told me that I was too busy for him. That he didn't want to be left wondering when I would give to him. Ummm..hello? Isn't it supposed to be giving to each other? In all our conversations, it has been about when I would go to him...when I would move there...when I would submit. And all in about 3 weeks time of meeting him. Sorta... Why would any of this be a consideration in such a minimal amount of time? Beats me and seems all to wacky and forced. Then, I get home from work and receive an e-card saying how much he Loves me. Loves me? I am sorry...it has a sweet connotation but is rather ridiculous. Was it guilt he was trying to put on me? Thinking I would come running back because I am walking away from something so right? All it did was make me wonder about his stability.

So...now I have gone from some guy (C.J.) that thought I had no personal life aside from him (whatever) to a guy that said I had too much personal life other than him. Go figure. I can't win for losing. I am just me...I haven't been any different with either person. There has got to be someone in the middle...it is like an Oreo with no creamy filling. It just ain't right.