I have been reading another blog for a bit. The girl is going through some rough times. I understand what she is feeling. All too well...
He took my face in his hands, told me I could trust him, he wasn't going anywhere and to let it go. "Don't be afraid Michelle." he had said. With tears in my eyes I believed him. I wanted to trust him with everything in me. I thought he understood, he said he understood. I said what was in my heart of hearts...only for him to let go and slap me across the face with my very own fears. It felt like stone across my cheek. I found myself on the floor, unaware of his child inside me. That child was lost the day of discovery. I had no time to rejoice. No time to be happy or worried what to do next. I felt robbed in every sense. Only to mourn what couldn't be, mourn something that never began, never given a chance to grow.
He had already started his current relationship at that time. And he is so happy. I guess I should be glad something good happened from that "situation". I have ahard time seeing it as good...however.
I sometimes wonder why I even open my messenger. I haven't for a few days. Hmmm...longer I guess. "Come on strong guy" wants to talk. I haven't spoken with him for a few weeks. He said he misses me. Why do I feel like my entire life has been a scene from A Midsummer Night's Dream? Ugh...
2 comments:
Observations: Seems that a lot of time is spent 'thinking' and rethinking' the past.
Not much time lookin ahead.
Not much time spent remembering good things that have happened.
Not much thought life hoping and expecting the best to come....
Makes me sad....Life is short and when we approach the later years, shock and dismay at its brevity stand clear....
I so wish I could compel you to see the brighter, happier side of life.....ho hum. Ill pray...
XXOO
Not really all that much time. Just certain things come up or are brought up that get me thinking and rethinking events of the past. I admit that. But I am looking ahead. How positive that future looks is seeming a bit dim to me as late, I admit that too. I am just a little tired of seeing negative efforts of others, rewarded with positive outcomes.
It is true I am only hurting myself by dwelling or still feeling hurts of someone else. I am trying...I really am.
My life is blessed in many ways. I do see that, I do value it.
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