Maybe if I was 5'10" and weighed 100lbs dripping wet, Had pointy harsh features and talked with a sweet naive southern accent when it suited my needs, I would be more appreciated. Maybe if I wasn't a single parent that had to keep her job in order to survive, provide for her child and my boss didn't use it to his advantage, I would be more appreciated. Maybe if I had three men hanging on a rope that I played like a finely tuned piano, I would be more appreciated. Maybe if my only option of male intimacy wasn't some guy that would be just as happy with a monkey that only required the commitment of bananas (he would most likely complain about that too), I would be more appreciated.
I listened to Noggin' today explain how she had lied to one of her men in order to satisfy another. She actually felt remorse for her actions, but then explained how she apologized to the one she lied to with another lie about the original lie to begin with. I thought..."Wow"...I didn't have much to say. I wondered if his cheek felt the sting of such a backhanded apology. Most likely not. I am sure she did it with the utmost sincerity. Believable, even.
In listening to her relationship woes, I realize how much it is all based on games. Mind games, emotional games, control and manipulation.
Kyle (the guy that used to have Noggin's position) told me I had to learn to play "the game". I can't. I am just not made that way.
I guess that is my downfall.
3 comments:
Not downfall, virtue. It's one of your virtues. When you do have a good relationship (and yes, I still think those exist, although don't ask me for proof right now!) it will be based on truth and true love, as opposed to Noggin's shallow and meaningless lies.
Virtue...yes. But I guess it looks like a downfall to me, in the way things seem to work in this world. I know that sounds cynical, maybe I have become too much so.
I still believe in true love and truth, I live by it, but I have to wonder if it exists for me...personally. Slim pickins' to say the least. Parched...drought ridden barren landscape that it is. :P
Thank you for the encouragement.
you could probably get a handful of guys on-the-line in short order if you did play the game (in others words lie).
But eventually one or both of you would realize the incompatibilities that had been covered-over with fiction.
Noggin sounds young, sounds like someone who needs to be convinced she has value (otherwise why would she try to keep 3 guys involved even to the point of lying). When she grows up a little more and sees that the end result of all her game-playing is that she doesn't have anyone who really understands or cares about her (because who is "her"? she isn't being honest with them or herself, probably because she doesn't know who she is and doesn't want to peer inside to find out... most likely just hoping to find someone that will magically be perfect for her), she will have to continue to play that game.
If you know what you're looking for, if you're honest with yourself about being honest with others, it will pay off. It's an investment. Opportunity will present itself, in time (I know, that's the last thing anyone who is waiting wants to hear, but it's the truth, and life (or should I say God?) rewards those who are mature enough to exercise patience).
Comparison (especially comparing to those who merely appear to have good things going) is the fastest way to disappointment...
focus girl! keep yourself on track and you will find your pot of gold (hold on, mixing metaphors here...).
Post a Comment