Either, I am getting more mature emotionally, or the cynicism is taking over. I think I have constructed a pretty sturdy wall, however. Maybe that is it. I should contact Home Depot...
I am not really that upset about seeing him with that other girl. I am fine with it, where I am concerned, for the most part. I was upset at first. But I think it was an honest reaction to seeing the guy that tells you how much he wants to be with you, laying on the couch with the other girl he apparently really wants to be with. I was already down and just wanted a neutral face to talk with and perhaps laugh with on Sunday. That's why I stopped by. It really didn't cross my mind that another girl would be there with him, like that.
In talking with him on the phone yesterday, he made me out to be bad for just stopping by without calling. Yes, I said, I could have called, but I honestly didn't think it was a big deal since you are always telling me to "stop by if I wanted to see you". This was only one of several contradictions he makes about himself on a daily basis. (Not to mention that he is an expert manipulator of conversation. Ya know...turn it around on you.) He says he doesn't want a "relationship" where he is the only one the girl is with, It is too much pressure, but yet he states that he "hasn't found the one" yet. Huh? How can you know if a girl is "the one" if you don't even give her the respect and time to get to know her in a one on one relationship? He said he wants to be with me even though he is, physically, with another woman. If that was ok with me, of course. Oh...How Considerate. NOT. Consideration is not being with the other woman at all. I was very calm in the conversation. No drama...no emotion, just really matter of fact. I just had questions.
Anyway, it is fine. I still feel sort of sad for him. (not in the "oh I need to take of him and show him the way" co-dependent way either. More of a "I pity the fool" way) I think people like him miss out on the most simple of beauties in this world, because they lack the ability to feel.
I want someone that is capable of feeling my touch and the meaning behind it, of feeling the way I look at him when I desire him and of feeling the meaning of my words when I tell him how much I care. And, I want to be able to feel it back.
4 comments:
Woohoo! Sounds like you handled it like ... hmm ... like someone who handles such things very well! And he's a dipwad.
Ha! Yes he is a dipwad. And thanks...I feel pretty good about the way I handled the conversation. I feel so grown up. :p
I have known this person for a year now, written about what he did the last time (Ode to CJ post) and so I guess the acceptance had just filtered down through time. Or something...I am not sure.
He rambles and tell me that what I want is marriage. With him? Good Sweet Ever Loving Lord...I wouldn't poke him with a ten foot marriage stick. Take the ego down a few notches...hell, take it down a mile and he still wouldn't be in normal range.
I freely admit that what I want is a loving, honest, real and enduring relationship...with someone. Not, just anyone. And only one person, not several. I see nothing wrong with that and just because I do, doesn't mean I expect marriage to come of it. (he says I have issues because I expect monogamy) How can anyone know that marriage will come of it? Honestly, anyway.
Right, so now that I have written another post within a post I will move along... (must be called a sub-post or secondary or "OMG she is venting Again!")
Oh, how aweful. I don't think a meaningful relationship with one man is too much to ask. But I have noticed that many men (I struggle not to generalize here... lol) have gotten downright greedy as of late. It's as if they know women are at their wits end and desparately desire love and affection and they exploit it. Why have one when you can have 2, or 4 or even 10 women pining after you and stroking your ego, among other things, every night?
It's disgusting.
And finding a man who hasn't totally given into this greed is nice work if you can get it. I wouldn't say that I'm completely pessimistic but at times, I despair. If all the men who were with women who dogged them and women who were with men who dogged them would simply break up and get together, our problem would be solved. Lol!
Yeah...I still think it is out there...somewhere. It can happen. My draw has been the short one. (Ha! I just realized that there is an inside joke in that one.) My doubt, however, lies with the "is it for me?" question.
But aside from the relationship woes....I really am happy. I don't need it to make my happiness. It is just an aspect or experience in my life I would really like to have.
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