I have often thought about having someone over. Not that he hasn't come over before. But more than just what it has been. I have often thought about asking him to just pretend. Just pretend that I am that girl you would do anything for. Just pretend and be with me the way you would be with her. Just for one night. Just for a few moments and then you can be gone again. Don't tell me who you are thinking of...don't tell me who you are pretending for me to be...just treat me that way. Make me feel like I am loved, wanted and that I am cared for even just for one night or a few hours. Tell me you think I am pretty, that I am the girl for you and you have never felt this way before. I won't take it to heart. It is just pretend, like playing a game of house.
And then we can act like nothing again.
How sad is that? I couldn't do it. I couldn't cheapen or erase my own value for a few moments of fantasy.
But, sometimes, I feel like I could.
It is just a thought. I know I talk about wanting what I fear the most. And that fear stems from what has hurt me the most thus far. I know I think about things that aren't realistic or good for me. I know I should be patient etc... But after being single for so long, patience has really just turned into a knowing that I can't have what I want. For, whatever reason the Good Lord has.
I am just having a moment of my own. You know...you have seen it before. It iwll go away soon...
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