Seven Down

It was February of 1998. I was working for this company that made rooftop carriers for SUV's. The job sucked and didn't pay much, but it was something to pay the bills since my daughters father couldn't hold a job or at the very least find one that paid an actual salary. (he was my husband at the time) I was unhappy at how my married life was turning out, weighted with bills and worries of being able to raise my daughter "right". Just before work timed out for the day, I talked with her father on the phone. He had wanted to take what money I had made and go on some trip with his co-workers (party buddies) that weekend. I had told him that we needed to pay the rent and we couldn't afford it. We argued. I don't even remember the words spoken but I was upset, he was angry that I made getting his way difficult. I knew in my mind that he was never going to change and there was nothing I could do except try to be a wife and mother in spite of him. I took my vows seriously, and though I had realized the bad choice I had made, it was made just the same. There was just more of the worse than the better.

I left work late. It was a mucky February day. Thick with fog and moisture. It was heavy. Seemed pretty appropriate given my emotional state. I drove my usual route to get to my daughters daycare (she was three at the time, such a cutie) All the while thinking about our situation. Bills left unpaid, because we just didn't have the money and a marriage that shouldn't have happened. I knew this drive by heart. I drove it everyday like clockwork. Each turn, bump and stop were like the creases in my palm. But this day was different. The fog was so dense. I kept my speed slow since I felt as though I were on some new road. Something I hadn't traveled before. A road that I had no pre-planned navigation for. It was different.

Before my mind could register what I had just done, driving through a stop sign, I was T-Boned by a 1 ton landscaping truck. His speed and my slow movement was as if he had hit a parked car. It sent my little sedan through the corner home's fence and into the side of their 2 car attached garage. I remember seeing his headlights, the sound of the force of impact and of my body hitting the steering wheel when I came to a stop. (I was wearing my seatbelt, it just didn't lock like it was supposed to.) People came and asked if I was ok, I couldn't speak. They called 911 and the police and paramedics came. The only question the police asked was, if I had insurance. I didn't. It was one of the bills we couldn't pay. My daughters father showed up on the scene and didn't say much either. I remember looks of, I am not sure what... Not astonishment, not fear, not anger and certainly not love. He didn't say anything to me. He just left to go get Rachel and then to my folks' house. The next hour or so (I am really not sure of the time that passed) I had paramedics trying to get me free of the car. The passenger side that was hit, was completely collapsed around me. I remember thinking how thankful I was that Rachel wasn't with me when it happened. I don't' know what I would have done, if anything had happened to her. As they were pulling me out and onto a stretcher, they noticed a "projectile" in my backside. Yes...my backside, my rear...my fanny. (It is ok...you can chuckle. I certainly am.) A pen that was in the console had been forced into my right cheek. Nice huh? So with all the humiliation I was already encountering, I had to go through these, and if I may say so, extremely handsome, strong and brave paramedics cutting off my pants so they could stabilize it. By this time, I had sobered quite a bit from my "just hitting a house" daze and told them to just pull it out. To PLEASE pull it out. They wouldn't do it. So let's just say, that I looked like I had a giant bulls eye complete with double bonus score enhanced with white medical tape on my butt. (This story does become a bit more colorful linguistically when I have had a drink or two, but that rarely happens seeing as I don't drink but maybe 2-3 times a year) Anyway, I get to the hospital. The Dr., and he oh so sweet, told me that the object was only subcutaneous. Meaning...it was only embedded in fat tissue. I remember looking at him and saying "So are you saying the I have a fat ass?" I know...I know...I can be a bit crass when under pressure. He did laugh, however. Then he asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant. My answer "Don't you need to have sex to get pregnant?" Yikes... So we progress with the tests and the painful maneuvering of my body to get xrays. I just wanted to be home, with my baby and have it all be over with. Rachel's dad didn't come to the hospital, My Mom and Sister Amy did. He was at my folks' house with my Dad, stressing over what he was going to do when I died. No concern for me and if I was going to be ok, no concern about our now huge bill and expense for an uninsured accident or the fact that we were now without a car. It was about him and what he was going to do with our daughter. I was ok...some major bruising (my entire torso was black all the way up to my neck and some minor scratches and cuts.) But it really was a blessing I wasn't seriously hurt, moreover Rachel wasn't in the car.

Why did I tell this story? Because I did travel a different road that day. It was my turning point. It was the realization that this marriage and this life I had been leading, needed to change. Truths needed to be told, people needed to take responsibility for their actions and choices. I knew in my heart, that day, that this marriage would end soon. And not by my own hand but by his. He left that following 4th of July weekend for another trip with his co-workers, with the understanding that if he went, he wouldn't be coming back to me. He took the money we had in our bank account and left me with forty dollars in my purse.

This event, was just one of many that made our marriage what it was. Too many to put in one post. But as I look back on that one particular day, I know that the choice was a good one. It literally took a truck hitting me upside my head to get it.