Well-meaning

Ya know....I had written this whole post just now about my Dr.'s appt today (it went well except I am going back next week for test results), about depression (no I am not depressed) and how so many people choose to live their lives, numb.

And then I turned around, from my computer to watch the TV. I watched the last scene of "Related". I have come to kind of like this show. It plays right after 7th Heaven (Rachel's favorite) and just after she goes to bed. I hear it in the background while I type most Mondays. I listen to their dialogue, laugh at their light jabs at one another in the name of sibling rivalry and tonight? Tonight I got all teary in the last scene.

Anne, the second to the oldest of the sisters, talked about how she had this recent realization. One that stems from the fact that her Older sister, Ginnie, wanted to ask her to be the Godmother of her unborn child. She had realized how she was living her life in the wake of a breakup with a man that she had once thought she would marry. She was being careless, risky and not living as a responsible adult. (as far as relationships were concerned) Anyway, she began talking about how she had dealt with the loss of the man (her long time boyfriend) but didn't realize, that she hadn't dealt with the loss of the dream. That one of having the nice home with the picket fence and the children running about. That one of raising a family with a partner, together. 'Course it isn't like it will never happen. It's TV. Who know's what the writers will produce.

But it got me thinking. And it made me realize what I couldn't voice in my own breakups. It wasn't just the guy I was sad over. Obviously, that particular guy wasn't the one for me, or me for him. We broke up, how much of a smack in the face do you need? But it was that loss of that dream, I guess. I suppose, to some, it isn't much of a dream. But since I was a little girl, playing with my baby dolls, all I ever wanted was to be a Mom and a Wife. I just naturally thought it was the way it was going to be. I did get the Mom part. To a beautiful little girl. Of that, I am so proud. But it isn't exactly how I thought it was going to go. That is what I struggle with from time to time. That's all...