Arrg.
I know my words sound harsh. But i guess it all depends on the attitude in which you read them. My tone isn't angry. It is more of an appeal. My eyes pleading to please give me some sense of understanding or at least a pair of flipping scissors to cut the string he has me dangling by...
Can't I just have something decisive? Solid? Permanent? I don't want "just" friendship. My feelings have already gone past that to I don't know where, and it wasn't my own doing...he helped me get there. So going back is not an option. Either it is "there" or it is nothing, at all. Not even the nicey friendship of "hi how d'ya do." Why should I put myself through that, it is like hurting my own self when here, I feel certain feelings for someone and yet they have no clue what theirs are. I am supposed to wait it out while they decide their feelings for someone else first? I believe she took off first or whatever, in any case she was gone and then here I was, actually letting myself feel again for someone I thought was pretty great in comparison to all those others I went out with and now that she is back, most likely doing the same thing she did before (I believe his words were...she came across as one type of person but then I found out she was not what I was led to believe - and what makes him think it is different now? is she not just doing the same thing to get him back?), I am set aside? Ummm no. And yes, I want an answer. No "I May Not agree to those terms." That is not an answer. I deserve better than that and if he isn't going to give me the importance I deserve then I don't want him. I will not be lumped in with all the other girls he has run from. I am different...better than that. If he can't see it or recognize it then move along little buddy...just say you don't want it and I am so gone without another word about it. If that is the case, then...Don't talk to me...don't message me...don't forward me stuff that makes me think of you. I will be trying to get you out my mind and move on. I would rather not have you in my heart and mind, if you can't reciprocate my feelings. It really is very easy. Straightforward. That is all I am asking. Say you don't feel the same, nothing more than a friendship and I am gone, with my friendship in hand.
Does that make sense to anyone but me? Why has it been so difficult to get my viewpoint across? Simply put...I don't want a major relationship (ie marriage bound) but I don't want something cold and unfeeling either. And I certainly don't want that happy medium while it is had with a couple others too. If you get my drift.
I just want something fun...happy...giving...with mutual respect and understanding. Is it really so much to ask for? Is it really such a commitment to say you feel something for someone? He needs to get out the stereotypes that exist within his mind and just see me and what I am saying.
I am getting dizzy...
2 comments:
I think I understand where your coming from. You want a loving companion but not a 2nd half. I can understand your all or nothing approach. How can you be friends with someone you still pine over without a return feeling? Its tough and while he's probably not giving you an anser for fear you won't understand, I'm sure its one of 2 things. 1-He's co-dependent and she satisfies that complex, or 2- she's the best lay he's had.
Exactly. A loving companion. Apparently that is too hard for some to understand.
I think your take on him is pretty right on. Co-dependent is what I was thinking too. She messed him over once, leaving him feeling bad and not worth much. So now he is right back in there so he feels "worth" it. Unfortunately, he most likely will realize that the same things that made him feel bad...still exist within the relationship.
As far as the good lay goes...
She has nothing on me. ;)
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