This one is now Shemp

Right, so I got my answer. I guess. No friends. I can't say that I am happy about it. In fact it makes me rather sad and gives me that feeling of loss I so hate. But I will deal with it, again. It would seem we want the same things, but yet completely different. I just can't have a relationship with someone that is constantly looking for that better thing. If he can't see me as being good enough and be happy with being with me...then I am not going to wait around for him to tell me so.

He complains that I don't have enough "guy" friends to hang around with. But yet most of my friends are guys. He says that I need to hang with them more. Ok. But in what context? They are my friends...we talk...we laugh and converse about what is going on and about in our lives. Do I sleep with them? No. They are just friends. I have never slept with them because they are Just Friends. There is a difference. That doesn't come into play and I don't have my mindset as such, that I would bring on the opportunity to sleep with them or do things with them that would lead them on to think it was a possibility. i.e. going on dates or inviting them into my home to "hang" out. They are "just" friends. I tend to have respect for the guy I am with, in a more than friends way, and it is in me to be true to what feelings might come up with him. Most people would see that as faithfulness. Usually a plus in the relationship department. I wouldn't give him reason to believe that I wouldn't be there for him or didn't have my heart true to what possibilities lie there. But yet...the fact that I only sleep with him, is too much pressure for him to handle. But...then he says that people should only sleep with one at a time. I am confused. Completely. I don't sleep with just anyone. He says I have issues where sex is concerned. Umm how so? Because sex means more to me than just an act? I don't see sex as just something to do. I don't give myself to someone, anyone, just because I am bored or they are attractive. I only go there with someone I am willing to develop more with. And I am not going to be with someone that is sleeping around with other people either. Thanks...but I haven't made 36 years without a VD for nothing. (No I don't care to elaborate on why this is so)

It is down to brass tacks for me. Either he has feelings for me that go beyond the boundaries of friendship...or he doesn't. He still couldn't give me that answer. He is so sure that I think he is my end all be all of manhood. Umm no, tone down the ego buddy. I made no promises and cannot make any promises of how long I would want to be with him, how long it would last. I really don't know and don't presume to think that I would spend the rest of my life with him. How can anyone know that. But I am the sort of person that is going to give 100% in the situation I am in, while I am there.

Frankly...I think he is developing feelings for me and he is too scared to go with it. Fears can be quite controlling. Or, he is just a Junk-Yard Dog.

So...fine. No friendship...no communication. Just stay away from me then. Let me deal with the fact that I let myself fall for someone, again, that has no clue about what it means to respect the one your with.