Right foot first

Chris and I were just talking about how my daughters father once tried to get state disability for claiming he was ADD. Of course we got a good (sort of sad) chuckle out of it but now I am starting to wonder if I am the with ADD. Clearly not, but I do find myself flitting from one project to another without fully starting one much less completing it. Yeesh. I sat down to write this post no less than 3 times, but would find myself either manicuring my nails or folding laundry when I would remember what it was I was beginning to do, to begin with! So here I am now, with only ten minutes before I must find myself rushing to the bus stop. Let's see how I do...

Things are better with Chris. At least for the moment. I have to keep reminding myself, that he is not "other" people. That because there is something he says or does that triggers my fears of relationships past, it doesn't make him completely that person. I am trying to look at those things about him, that are completely different and completely what I want in a person I spend time with. He has a lot of those qualities, and while I can't ignore or look past the negatives, he certainly has a lot of positives that are keeping me in the game. I can't just walk away from him, because I get scared. I know what that feels like, when someone doesn't give you the chance you deserve, and I don't want to make anyone feel that kind of rejection. It hurts, deep and long. I do care about him that much. Heck, I think all people deserve that much respect.

He asked me, last night, if he asked me to tie the knot in a year or so, if I would run for the hills. I said I didn't know how I would feel in a year or so, but the fact that he mentions it now, doesn't scare me. But I am thinking it's because I know I am not going to make a wrong decision. I am not going to marry someone, just because they ask or I feel sorry or because I don't want to be alone. It's going to be because it's the right decision for me and my daughter. And, for our relationship. Whether that is with him or not, remains to be seen.