Crudeness Abounds

Reading back on this post sounds a bit ... umm ... nasty? :P But I am pretty pissed and words are my fists. I don't strike out physically or take revenge or anything like that. I am just not that way. But all be damned if I am not going to have something to say about it...and someone...will listen. I feel like such an ass for, yet again, letting someone, a man specifically, get the better of me.



Ode to C.J.


It never ceases to amaze me the ignorance of the opposite sex. Yes…I am pissed off at this point and words are gonna be a many. Here I took steps to do the right thing only to find out that it was what was hoped all along. Easy out huh Ceej? Well there ya go…handed to you on a silver platter. Prayers answered you hypocritical Christian. You have no clue. Surprising the Book doesn’t burn your hand each time you reach for it. How is it that you reconcile how you live? Let’s see…"I want to have the goodies that women provide but no no no I can’t marry them and be their “everything” because well…I just can’t handle that kind of commitment." But yet you go running back to the girl that fucked you over and you say…"oh I misunderstood you hun." I Never expected anything from you except honest feelings. I was clear about not wanting marriage, but then you bring up the fact that your aren’t someone I could feel serious about while holding me, lying in My bed and I am supposed to just lay there and giggle. “Sure ok CJ you can use me all you want and then go running off when your sick of it…no problem…heehee” Screw that. I wanted someone to be in love with yes…I will admit that. You telling me that…that alone is too much of everything is ridiculous when here you are working out a relationship with someone for Love but yet it isn’t the same thing? It makes no sense and you know it. You talk about not wanting complexity and yet that is exactly what you create? It makes no sense. And Yeah! for me that I am now rid of your drama. Thank God my prayers were answered huh? I asked for truth to be revealed and lo and behold there ya go. God is faithful I must say. And if you couldn’t feel those kind of feelings for me then that is what you should have said. Backing off without word that you wanted to do so, is not consideration. Its blowing me off….plain and simple.

Do you even realize that the Word is a commitment, to read it, live by it and respect the words written within. But no…you are just another one of those that twist what lies within to Your benefit. You telling me that you were taking into consideration My feelings this last two weeks is completely wrong and you know it. You started stepping aside when you began talking with your ex. Cause Hey…she might take you back and the fact that you were sleeping with this other girl (me) really doesn’t mean shit cause I love my ex still. You had no business getting together with me when you had feelings for her still going on. I already had the realization of that with one look at your bedroom. Her pictures…her gifts…all over the place. No wonder you wouldn’t turn on the lights that night. And don’t tell me about going Slow…hello? I don’t remember you trying to be slow on our first date. If I remember right I was the one that said No I am not doing that? But you must have forgotten that too, along with the explanation of the lies you told only last week. You forgot, right? I should have realized I had no respect in your eyes then. Honesty is not telling me about how you are talking with her…honesty is telling me that you don’t want to be with me anymore. Not asking me…when we are going to get together again. Of course, you didn’t mention the fact that you were sleeping with someone else to her, did you? Not a word of it, I am sure. It didn’t matter and wasn’t a consideration to begin with. You made that very clear and foolish me to think that you might be different. You are just another one of the assholes that have graced my life. Why the hell did you contact me to begin with?? Think maybe I was an easy mark? Apparently I was, cause I fell for your crap hook, line and sinker. You two are perfect for one another I am realizing. Both of you seem to be the type of people that have no value for respect and truth. And I should have known that anyone Megan would be interested in…is not worth my time. Ew.

I feel so much better now :P