Every which way

I didn't get to talk to him like I wanted yesterday. I ended up with a house full of girls and when he came over he said "I think the reason that I went off like I did, and this isn't to excuse it, but it was something in your tone when you told me that you were going to call me back after you got off the phone with your sister."

What?

So it comes back on ME that he acted like a jerk? I don't think so. I simply told him that I would call him back in a few. That was it. I didn't want to go into it with the girls in the room, so I just told him it wasn't MY fault and left it at that. He acted like a jerk because he is insecure with our relationship and he over analyzes everything to death. Guess what Chris?! There isn't always something there between the lines. Sometimes it is...just what it is. Mmmkay?

I thought I was bad. I was tired after working my butt off all day since the crack of dawn cleaning my house and my yard. (Autumn is here in the NW in a big way) now I was finding myself BBQing for a bunch of girls and him. All I asked, in my own mind, was that he not piss me off while I felt so wore out. He managed ok. But I was happy when he went home so I could just fall into my bed and be done. I dont' even remember falling asleep.

I am so still learning where relationships are concerned. Seriously. I haven't had a real one with a normal "man" ever. I think Chris is as normal as they come. The men I got myself invovled with, were manipulating, lazy, drug induced leeches that weren't happy unless they sucked all the life and will out of you. Nothing left but a puppet version of your self remained. And that is exactly how they liked it. It keeps them in control. Chris isn't like that, but dang me if he isn't a little boy sometimes. Um ok most of the time unless he is putting on the "I am a big burly man" thing, like all guys do.

It's hard getting the ideal of what men should be out of my head. I am trying. I am working on my patience and I no longer keep my tennis shoes by the door. I am thankful for this place in which to put my frustrations. At least I get them out of my head and somewhere "out there", instead of taking them out somewhere else. I will still talk to him about my take on the situation. But I will do it when my head is in the right place, not exhausted and completely annoyed by his lack of accountability, so my words are right. Maybe after Church today. I am much more understanding and compassionate when I get infused.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. :)